Trump Declares National Emergency To Deal With Ocasio-Cortez

ROSE GARDEN – President Trump today announced he is declaring a national emergency to deal with the arrogance and stupidity of new congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC). Because Congress has refused to deal with the annoying, know-it-all bartender, the president has been forced to act on his own. “Even though congressional Democrats refuse to accept the dire situation that AOC’s weak intellect poses to our country, to protect the interests of sane Americans, and to preserve the safety and well-being of our nation’s gassy cows, I am declaring that her warped…

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AOC Wants Planes, Trains and Automobiles Outlawed Within 10 Years

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BRONX – It’s the Green New Deal. It’s designed to save the planet. It’s the brainchild of a deranged lunatic. And it involves banning all copies of the 1987 movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles for some reason. The lunatic behind the plan? The one and only Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), the newly-elected socialist who should be in an insane asylum rather than in Congress. Her Green New Deal has the abolition of anything that runs on an engine as its main goal. “This movie is a negative influence in our culture…

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Medical Assn Approves AOC Diagnosis As ‘Diarrhea Of The Mouth’

CHICAGO – Diarrhea of the mouth is kind of a long diagnosis, but so is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s name. So long and annoying that many have started referring to her as simply “AOC.” Now, the Board of Trustees at the American Medical Association have honored the freshman socialist politician with her own affliction. In a vote of 15-6, the board approved adding the diagnosis of AOC in medical textbooks and journals to apply to any patient exhibiting symptoms of “diarrhea of the mouth.” This is an irritating condition, and one in…

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