AG Barr Releases Soundtrack to Mueller Report For Dems Needing Context


WASHINGTON – Robert Mueller and leading Democrats have been whining that Attorney General William Barr’s summary of the Mueller Report didn’t properly convey the context, substance or mood of his findings. So the AG is now releasing a soundtrack to go along with the report. “I hope a little mood music helps them better understand there’s no there there,” Barr said. The Attorney General has hired famed composer Hans Zimmer to produce the score. A list of tracks on the soundtrack has been provided below: No Collusion, No Obstruction (What…

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Jeff Sessions Wonders What It Would Be Like to Be Attorney General

WASHINGTON – Thinking out loud at a dinner with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein last night, Attorney General Jeff Sessions wondered what it would be like to actually be Attorney General. “That would be something,” Sessions said. “Think of all the good you could do and all the corruption you could stop. There’s a ton of people who deserve to be behind bars right now, and as Attorney General you could really hand out some long overdue justice.” Rosenstein didn’t look up and continued quietly eating his salad. Rod knows…

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AG Sessions Unveils “Snitches Get Stitches” Policy To Stop Leaks


WASHINGTON – Persistent leaks within the Trump administration continue to be a thorn in the side of the president’s agenda getting implemented. So today, Attorney General Jeff Sessions held a press conference to warn would-be leakers that his team is now bringing down the hammer on such activities. “We’re here today to announce our ‘Snitches Get Stitches’ policy toward those who would attempt to leak sensitive information to the press, in hopes of damaging the president, his administration, or his agenda. In short, I’ll now cut a bitch if I…

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