Police Offer To Use Marshmallows Instead Of Beanbags As Ammo, BLM Says No, Because They’re White

AUSTIN – The Austin Police Department has been discussing new methods of riot control with the City Council. The Council has made it clear that they want all uses of force by police to be outlawed in the near future. The city has already demanded that police cease using beanbags as ammo during riots or protests. Jokingly, the Chief of Police suggested his officers swap beanbags for marshmallows when shooting to subdue lawbreakers. Austin Mayor Steve Adler took the idea to council members and local leaders of the Black Lives…

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Pretend Scientist and Pretend Sane Person Meet At SXSW

AUSTIN – In a fairy tale meeting at this year’s SXSW event, a man who pretends to be a climate expert and a woman who pretends to be a sane person – as well as a climate expert – got together to showcase their stupidity. Bill Nye the Science? Guy, and socialist darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dazzled a SXSW crowd with apocalyptic stories about climate change and how, together, they could combine their powers to save the world. Wonder Twin powers, activate! “She blinded me with science!” Nye exclaimed after hearing…

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Willie Nelson Releases Song List For Beto O’Rourke Rally

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AUSTIN – Music legend Willie Nelson has never performed a free concert in support of a political candidate. Until now. He’s chosen to break his streak with a concert in support of socialist Texas senate candidate, Beto O’Rourke. O’Rourke will face Senator Ted Cruz in November’s midterm election. Nelson has performed at fundraisers for past political candidates like Wendy Davis and Dennis Kucinich, but this one will be free and open to the public. Willie will perform for all who come out to Lady Bird Lake and sit amongst the…

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