Beto O’Rourke Blames Hispanic Privilege For 2020 Campaign Missteps

privilege

NEW YORK – 2020 presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke blamed his rich Mexican heritage and “Hispanic privilege” for his lackluster showing in the campaign so far. He acknowledged that flaunting his ethnicity was a mistake, and it made him appear to be elitist. “The photo of me looking like a white guy, but munching on a chimichanga while riding a donkey into a campaign event was not a good look for me. I think my Hispanic privilege is why I’m getting beat like a piñata in the polls.” O’Rourke is readying…

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Nation Understands Border Issue Better After Beto Dental Cleaning

dental

EL PASO – Robert “Beto” O’Rourke blessed the country today by having his dental hygienist explain the complex border situation during a dental appointment. He live-streamed his appointment on Instagram. Liberals were blown away by the experience. 23-year old Summer Baxter said, “I’ve heard all the oral arguments from both sides about the border security and immigration issues. Not like this, though. You know, from a dentist chair. You can bet I’m going to be finding out what my dental hygienist thinks the solution to climate change is at my…

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Texas Worried BETO Yard Signs May Overwhelm Landfills

CRUZ TERRITORY – Now that the election is over, waste management officials in Texas are worried about all those BETO yard signs littering the Lone Star State. They aren’t sure the state’s landfills can handle that much extra trash. Manuel Flores, site manager for Texas Disposal Systems, thinks the state should sell the signs back to Hollywood celebrities. “They paid for most of those signs. Maybe we could sell them back for pennies on the dollar. Then it’s their problem. We’re also looking at working a deal with some other…

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