Chicago To Test BLM-Approved Call In System For Cops Before Engaging Criminals

cops

CHICAGO – Mayor Lori Lightfoot is not only reimagining the police. She’s reimagining reality. The city is planning to try out a new phone-in system for its city’s cops to call for permission before pursuing bad guys. Black Lives Matter has approved the program. According to a press release, police would call a supervisor, lay out the sitch as quickly as possible, then wait for approval from a supervisor. Here’s an example of the way the program would work: Bad guy has a weapon and is threatening someone. Cops arrive…

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Antifa Rioter With ‘AOC Eyes’ Arrested After Posing As MAGA Supporter

AOC eyes

UTAH – A Antifa/BLM thug was arrested this week for his part in the Capitol riots last week. John Sullivan, faces federal charges for being such a dick. The young anarchist posed as a journalist and MAGA supporter as he incited violence among the crowd. Sullivan popped up on a FBI watch list due to his ‘AOC eyes.’ The name is given for the look of “wide-eyed crazy” made popular by Congresshuman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. A doctor from the Mayo Clinic described AOC eyes like this. “AOC eyes is a condition…

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Members Of Antifa Already Showing Signs Of Trump Withdrawal

Trump withdrawal

PORTLAND – While the presidential election is still not certified, President Trump faces an uphill fight to prove voter fraud charges. For Democrats, they’re already living in a world with Joe Biden in charge. But life will not be all rainbows and unicorns for those on the left. Doctors nationwide are already reporting a spike in Trump Withdrawal Symptoms (TWS). TWS is a condition found in those suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), for which there is no cure. Dr. Paul Bennett, who has a practice in Portland, said, “I’m…

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Nike Debuts ‘Molotov’ Shoe Line For Antifa/BLM In Portland

molotov

VENTURA PARK – ‘Just Burn It.’ It’s a tagline all rioters are familiar with. To honor them, Nike just unveiled their new line of shoes for Antifa and Black Lives Matters protesters. The Nike Molotov®. “It’s a very exciting line for the company,” Nike spokesman Colin Kaepernick announced. “If you’re trying to tear down America, it’s important to have the right shoe as your foundation. I believe the Nike Molotov is a game-changer in the riot wear industry.” A Nike model showed off the new shoe on the 100th night…

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Woke NFL Would Prefer White Players Not Tackle Black Players

black players

NEW YORK – It’s all about racial equality. The NFL is totally woke and they don’t want you to forget it. It’s not just adding ‘End Racism’ messages in end zones, and letting players add black victims’ names to their uniforms. Their wokeness may soon extend to the game itself. “We’re already well on or way to ruining the sport for fans with this race stuff,” commissioner Roger Goodell explained. “So the next thing we’re talking about doing is telling white players not to tackle black players. We must have…

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Antifa, BLM Now Offering Foes Free Escorts To Parking Lots, Hotels

Rand

WASHINGTON D.C. – Thanks to Antifa and Black Lives Matter (BLM), protesters have a horrible public image. To counter this, the groups have started offering free escorts to their political enemies when they’re out in public. The escorts will be providing members of the American right with free harassment, verbal assaults, physical intimidation, and possible bloodshed as they try to get to their cars or hotels safely. Senator Rand Paul recently tried out the service while out with his wife. “I had no idea they were offering this level of…

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