VP Harris Visits Guatemala/San Salvador Border To Quell Criticism She’s Ignoring Border Crisis

GUATEMALA – Kamala Harris is sick of peasants who say she’s been avoiding going to the border. She’s currently on a talking tour in Central America to show that she’s pretending to care about America’s border crisis. The VP was visibly pissed when NBC’s Lester Holt questioned why she hasn’t visited the border to see for herself how bad things really are there. So she decided to call Lester’s bluff. This afternoon, in a surprise move, Harris showed up at the border between Guatemala and San Salvador. “See? I’ve gone…

Read More

Biden Puts Kamala Harris In Charge Of Screwing Up Border Crisis Even More

border crisis

WASHINGTON – VP Kamala Harris has been given her first major assignment in what will be a long list of future failures. Joe Biden today tapped Harris to be in charge of further screwing up his ongoing border/immigration crisis. “If anybody can make a bigger cluster out of our current border situation, it’s Kamala,” Biden told reporters. “I’ve already laid the ground work for totally screwing the pooch on our immigration problem, and nobody knows more about things getting laid than she does. I have full confidence in her ability…

Read More

Biden Admin Insists Kids At Border Being Kept In ‘Tiny Cells’ Not ‘Cages’

cages

LAREDO – Administration officials took issue today with Republican lawmakers over the way they are handling the Biden border crisis. They insist that unaccompanied children are not being held in cages. “We are currently housing these undocumented children in ‘tiny cells,’ not ‘cages,’” Biden spokeshuman Jen Psaki told reporters. “The term cages is disingenuous, and should only be used to falsely accuse a Republican president with being barbaric and uncaring. We prefer the term tiny cells.” “Look, people love those tiny homes. You know, the ones they show on HGTV?…

Read More