Dems Question Kavanaugh ‘Let It Be Lowenbrau’ Yearbook Comment

yearbook

WASHINGTON – Senate Democrats are still demanding explanations for some cryptic entries contained in Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s high school calendars and yearbooks. Despite a looming vote on his confirmation to the Supreme Court, certain Democrats say questions about Kavanaugh’s past continue to raise red flags for them. Senator Cory Booker wondered, “In May of 1982, the judge wrote ‘Tonight, let it be Lowenbrau.’ Who or what is Lowenbrau? A classmate? A secret party place? He needs to answer this. Is it related to the ‘Devil’s Triangle,’ or a type of…

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Liberal Women Flock to Salons Demanding ‘Disheveled’ Ford Hairstyle

WASHINGTON – Salons around the country are being flooded with appointments from liberal women who now want the disheveled, ‘in your face’ hairstyle sported by Judge Kavanaugh accuser Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. During her Senate testimony recently, Ford’s untamed hair seemed to have a mind of its own. The hairstyle craze is said to be the biggest since Jennifer Aniston’s “The Rachel” back in the 1990’s. Even effeminate, progressive males are booking appointments to get the hot look. #MeToo feminists say benefits of the new hairstyle include repelling men, appearing distressed,…

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Dr. Christine Ford Explains Her Fear of Testiflying

testiflying

WASHINGTON – Many people have a fear of flying, but Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser, suffers from a unique form of this phobia. She is cursed with the fear of “testiflying.” Dr. Ford is allegedly paralyzed with a fear of flying if it involves her traveling to testify about her past. Her lawyers have attested to her affliction. Fortunately, Ford’s fear of flying can be conquered by attaching a sunny destination with beautiful beaches to the end of a flight. “Everyone knows a plane doesn’t crash when…

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Democrats Now Claim Farm Animals Assaulted By Brett Kavanaugh

assaulted

CESSPOOL OF WASH. DC – In their bid to claim Judge Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted nearly every living creature as a younger man, Democrats are just getting started. They next plan to out several farm animals they claim Kavanaugh tried to have sex with back in the day. Senator Chuck Schumer is demanding today that the FBI (Farm Bureau of Investigations) conduct a thorough check into these new assault charges. The new allegations center around Goat Boy and several unnamed chicks. The chicks all say they wish to remain anonymous.…

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Senate Judiciary Agrees to Ford-Kavanaugh Steel Cage Death Match

Ford

WASHINGTON – Saying it’s the only fair way to end the stalemate between Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the Senate Judiciary Committee agreed to a winner-take-all steel cage death match between the two. Ford has accused Kavanaugh, a Supreme Court nominee, of getting overly frisky with her 36 years ago. Senator Chuck Grassley told reporters, “I think Brett will take her pretty early on. But to make the match fair, we’re going to allow Ms. Ford to have one of her lawyers (or Senator Dianne Feinstein) present in…

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Cory Booker Has His Moment: I Am SPARTAPUSS!

Booker

WASHINGTON – During a hearing for a Supreme Court nominee, Democrat senator Cory Booker showed the world he is literally a social justice “warrior.” Booker defied the senate gods and released emails regarding nominee Brett Kavanaugh that had not been approved for release. This practice was frowned upon, even in ancient times. “I…AM…SPARTAPUSS!!” Cory proclaimed on Twitter. “I’m willing to fall on my sword to prove that Mr. Kavanaugh is a racist. Look at him. He’s white!” Booker fancies himself a political gladiator, though, like this one, he loses most…

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