Most Women Still Insist Size of Nuclear Button Matters

WASHINGTON – President Trump upped the ante yesterday in the escalating nuclear war of words between the United States and North Korea. After NK’s leader Kim Jong-un bragged about his nuclear button, President Trump reminded the world that his nuclear button is bigger – and works better – than Kim’s. Critics of President Trump aren’t happy with his ‘size’ statements, saying that when it comes to nuclear weapons, size doesn’t matter. That as long as you can get the job done, that’s all that matters. However, a majority of American…

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Matt Lauer’s Desk, Trap Door Button to Rid Office of Unattractive Females

NEW YORK – When you’re God’s gift to women, you’ve got to be ready at all times. NBC’s latest sex fiend, Matt Lauer, was always ready for action. In the wake of revelations yesterday that the network’s money man has been abusing women and flying his freak flag for years, it was revealed that the star had a button behind his desk for sinister reasons. It turns out that Matt’s desk was his ‘control and command center’ for handling women in “Lauer’s lair.” If an attractive woman was summoned to…

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