Chicago’s Mayor LightSocket Admits 21 Shot, 6 Dead Was Slow Weekend

CHI-TOWN – It was a slightly slower than normal weekend of death and bloodshed in Chicago this weekend. Only 21 people were shot in the Democrat-led city, resulting in 6 deaths. Mayor Lori LightSocket (named so because of her hair, although her maiden name is Lightfoot) has reason for concern. “I was surprised by the numbers, frankly,” Mayor LightSocket said. “Maybe some folks were doing a little back-to-school looting over the weekend. Or maybe more people hit the lakes this weekend. For whatever reason, I think people were busy doing…

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Seattle’s CHOP: If We Really Focus, We Can Beat Chicago In Shooting Deaths

CHOP

CHOP, CHOP – All is not well in Utopia. CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Blah Blah Blah) had multiple shootings over the weekend. One person is dead and several more have serious injuries. It’s a surprising development for anybody that’s not conservative. The upstart territory of anarchists and socialists was supposed to be all rainbows and unicorns. But already CHOP leaders say they’re embarrassed. This is not the way they envisioned their little experiment going. “The headlines about the number of shootings over the weekend in Chicago was a real wake-up…

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Obama Awards Himself “Greatest President Ever” Medal During Farewell

award

CHICAGO – With gunshots ringing out and ambulance sirens in the background, President Obama gave his “pat myself on the back” farewell speech in bullet-riddled Chicago last night. His audience was mesmerized and brought to tears during his 51-minute self-lovefest. In fact, Obama’s farewell speech clocked in at 10 minutes longer than the farewell speeches of President’s Reagan, Clinton, and Bush combined – proving how great he is. However, if you remove the references of “I” and “Me,” along with the time he spent between remarks, holding his chin high…

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