Democrat Eric Shartswell Crop Dusts MSNBC Studio Mid-Interview

Eric

NEW YORK – Oopsy Poopsy! Right in the middle of an interview on MSNBC, Democratic representative Eric “Shartswell” Swalwell accidentally crop dusted the entire studio. Anchor Chris Matthews was one of the alleged victims of the incident. “While congressman Shartswell was answering, I heard this loud fart sound and then, while Eric continued speaking, I felt this breeze running up my leg!” Matthews recalled. Mr. Shartswell is denying that he was the one responsible for the trouser cough, even though his college yearbook says the future politician was voted “Most…

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Supreme Court Retirement Sends Shingles Up Chris Matthews’ Leg

shingles

MSNBC – As news of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s retirement came across the MSNBC fake news desk – along with the realization that President Trump will get to pick his replacement – host Chris Matthews said he felt shingles running up his leg. “As the reality of this moment in our nation’s history sunk in,” Matthews stated, “I felt this intense, itching rash running up my leg. It was completely different from the tingle Obama gave me. This time, there were fluid-filled blisters involved. It was disgusting. “And the…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Appalled by Trump/Putin Manspreading Display

manspreading

NEW YORK – Everyone is in agreement that “manspreading” is the biggest challenge facing mankind, probably since the centuries-old problem of not being able to find men’s dress shirts that look good untucked. Thank God, the owner of UNTUCKit has alleviated the latter. So it was no surprise that MSNBC host Chris Matthews couldn’t get past what he saw during this week’s G20 summit meeting between President Trump and Russia’s President Putin. Matthews felt the need to “mansplain” the incident: “See how both men are spreading their legs open, as…

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Temporarily Paralyzed From Waist Down

WASHINGTON – Right around noon today, MSNBC commentator Chris Matthews lost all sensation in his lower body. Doctors who examined him this afternoon said Matthews is a little freaked out about the sudden paralysis, but they believe he should regain feeling in his legs slowly over the next few months. “It’s been well documented that Chris contracted a neurological disorder when President Obama won his election back in 2008. The tingling sensation he experienced when Mr. Obama appeared on TV, or made a speech, has been ongoing since then and…

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