Stormy Daniels Vows to Dance Under Oath Before Congress


WASHINGTON – America’s sweetheartwhore, Stormy Daniels, vowed this week to dance under oath in front of Congress, in the event that President Donald Trump is impeached. Daniels says she will “testify” in front of members of the governing body the only way she knows how. “I would be happy to use the language of the interpretative dance that some call ‘stripping’ to tell what I know about the president, if it comes to that,” Stormy said. Daniels’ former lawyer Michael Avenatti has offered to hold the pole during any performance…

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Conyers, Franken to Lead Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians


WASHINGTON – Self-anointed ladies men, Michigan congressman John Conyers and Minnesota senator Al Franken, have been picked to head the newly created (but much needed) Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians (CCPP). Conyers will serve as the top Democrat on the House side, while Franken will preside over gropers in the Senate. Conyers, known for taking meetings with staffers in his underwear, says the committees will focus on teaching members of both parties how to spin accusations, smear accusers, and write pretend apologies so they can weather bad press but keep…

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Ticket Prices Top $3K Each for Front Row at Comey Hearing


WASHINGTON – Ticket scalpers and representatives from StubHub have revealed that the ticket price for a front row seat at the Thursday congressional hearing with former FBI director James Comey has topped the $3,000 mark. “I’m getting $1200 per for seats in the balcony!” one scalper told us. “It may turn out to be a complete dud, but this thing is selling like the Super Bowl. The place will be standing room only and, you know, there’s nothing like seeing a political hearing in person.” Ticket outlet StubHub said they’re…

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