Hillary Plans to Eliminate Coughing for All Americans If Elected

NEW YORK – During a rally for millennials today, admitted coughaphobe Hillary Clinton vowed to end coughing, once and for all, for all Americans if she makes it into the White House. The promise follows her other vows to eliminate college tuition, eliminate childcare expenses, eliminate guns, and eliminate Republicans. “As many of you know, I’ve never been a fan of coughing,” Clinton told the enthusiastic crowd. “Oh sure, doctors will tell you that a cough is healthy. That’s it’s expelling a foreign substance that your body is rejecting. But…

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Hillary’s New Plane ‘Cough Drop One’ Boasts Media, No Parachutes

cough drop one

CLEVELAND – Hillary Clinton showed off her new campaign plane today, a Boeing 737 that is decked out with one of her campaign slogans on the sides. The plane is being used so members of the media can travel with her. This allows her to pretend she’s giving the press access to her, while still being able to control their environment. Mrs. Clinton christened the plane ‘Cough Drop One’ on it’s maiden voyage, when she broke into her second coughing fit of the day. She had only taken 4-5 questions…

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