James Comey Appointed to Count Ballots After Speedy Email Count

WASHINGTON – Americans are ready for the national nightmare of Election 2016 to be over as soon as possible. So, to help facilitate quicker results for voters, FBI Director James Comey has been selected to personally count ballots as they come in from across the country tomorrow night. Comey sorted through, studied, cross-referenced, and speed-read through 650,000 Clinton emails in just 8 days. An incredible human feat, and probably a world record. As most Americans already know, our Constitution dictates that speed is far more important when it comes to…

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