White House Shuts Down ‘Giant Amnesty’ Plan: No Giants Allowed

WASHINGTON – Saying America has enough problems already, White House spokesperson Sarah Sanders said today that having giants roaming the country is something the Trump administration will not stand for at this time. “President Trump is adamant that he will not sign any immigration bill that contains a ‘giant amnesty’ plan,” Sanders told reporters. “The president has 99 problems, but allowing giants into our country is not going to be one of them.” CNN’s Jim Acosta immediately asked if this decision made the president a “heightist,” and Sanders quickly made…

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Democrats Hope ‘DACA Alpaca’ Mascot Will Solicit Sympathy for Illegals

WASHINGTON – With their Dreamers crushed after their government shutdown strategy backfired, Democrats have announced plans to attach a face to the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) movement, in hopes of pulling at heartstrings to gain sympathy for their pet cause. The new mascot is the DACA Alpaca, a group of sweater-wearing Alpacas who strayed across the border while following their mama. The alpacas entered the country illegally, having never gone through a Fish & Wildlife checkpoint or wandering into a US Customs and Immigration Office. The DACA Alpacas…

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Cher Offers Home as Sanctuary, Tells DREAMERS “I Got You Babe”

MALIBU – Hollywood moonbat Cher is offering to open her home to “Dreamers” as a sanctuary to protect those children who arrived illegally in our country, and who have grown up in America, but remain illegal aliens. President Trump is hoping to discontinue Barack Obama’s unconstitutional DACA order, and that’s all Cher needed to hear to set her off. “That idiot in the White House wants to enforce immigration laws that are already on the books?!” a shell-shocked Cher shouted. “Over my dead, plastic body!!! He can go to hell. I’ll…

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