Antifa Rioter With ‘AOC Eyes’ Arrested After Posing As MAGA Supporter

AOC eyes

UTAH – A Antifa/BLM thug was arrested this week for his part in the Capitol riots last week. John Sullivan, faces federal charges for being such a dick. The young anarchist posed as a journalist and MAGA supporter as he incited violence among the crowd. Sullivan popped up on a FBI watch list due to his ‘AOC eyes.’ The name is given for the look of “wide-eyed crazy” made popular by Congresshuman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. A doctor from the Mayo Clinic described AOC eyes like this. “AOC eyes is a condition…

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VP Pence Confuses Pelosi As US House ‘Repeaches’ Trump

US House

WASHINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence threw US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi a curve ball yesterday. Nancy had requested Pence invoke the 25th Amendment to the US Constitution to have President Trump removed from office. Democrats have ginned up the idea that Trump incited violence at the Capitol last week. Instead, Pence responded in a letter which invoked the 1st, 5th, and 10th Amendments. The Speaker was confused by the VP’s response. “Mike sent back something about free speech nonsense, due process, and limiting our government’s power. None of those…

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Joe Biden Calls For Establishing Dept. Of Feigned Democratic Outrage

feigned

WASHINGTON – As he prepares to assume the presidency, Joe Biden is already planning changes to our government structure. One addition he wants to make – the creation of the Department of Feigned Democratic Outrage. “We need a central agency that controls narratives, releases talking points, and perpetuates double standards. One that ensures that Democrats ALWAYS jumps the shark when it comes to faking outrage at our opponents,” a weary looking Biden told reporters. “For instance, just this week, President Trump held a rally that was followed by minimal violence…

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Biden: Georgia Runoff Wins Would Allow Dems To Control All Space, Matter

Georgia

GEORGIA – Joe Biden coughed out a statement about the upcoming Georgia senate runoff races on Monday. He reminded supporters that with wins in both races, Democrats would control everything. “Let me be clear, which is more than I can say for my throat,” Biden said through a web of phlegm in his mouth, “We can control all space and matter if we play this right, folks. If you get out there and vote and cheat like only Georgians can, we’ll control it all!” Joe hocked a loogie and continued,…

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Joe Biden Files Restraining Order Against The Kraken

Kraken

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden is getting nervous about a monster called “The Kraken.” He’s nervous that the creature may derail his attempts to get into the White House again. In fact, he’s so nervous that he’s filed a restraining order in federal court against the beast. “That lawyer, Sidney Powell, has threatened to release the Kraken on me,” Biden told reporters. “That freaks me out, man. Have you seen this thing? I watched a fascinating movie from the ’80’s the other day. Clash of the Titans, I believe it was.…

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AOC Promoting Genocide Of Turkeys With Covid Thanksgiving Plans

WASHINGTON – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) is promoting genocide on turkeys, and using Covid-19 as her cover. The Democrat plans to have Thanksgiving dinner over Zoom with remote members of her family. In a tweet, AOC said she and her whole family would cook from the same recipes separately, and then eat together over Zoom. Her reason is because of the coronavirus, this will keep the family from gathering together. The problem is that now her family will require multiple turkeys for their meal, rather than just one. “There’s 8 of…

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Big Pharma Working On Voter Fraud Vaccine For Democrat Activists

big pharma

PHILADELPHIA – There’s a cancer in our election process, and it’s called Voter Fraud. The main carriers of this disease are Democratic operatives and activists. Symptoms include ballot stuffing in the middle of the night and prematurely referring to one’s favored candidate as “president-elect.” It’s a nasty, disgusting condition. And now, several big pharmaceutical companies are joining efforts to develop a vaccine to treat voter fraud. Pfizer is having good results with a possible coronavirus vaccine, so researchers are turning their attention to curing voter fraud. One big pharma researcher…

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Biden Exposes Dems As Chump-A-Phobes During Small Rally

chump

PENNSYLVANIA – Presidential candidate is spilling dirty little secrets about his party at his few public appearances. This weekend, he called Trump supporters ‘chumps.’ And he’s clearly worried about them. Speaking from the Great Pumpkin Patch to a small gathering of scarecrows, he said, “What do we as Democrats do to someone who doesn’t agree with our views? That’s right. We name-call. Because that’s all we’ve got. But it’s worked well for us so far! We shame them into surrendering to our position. I love how we just add ‘phobe’…

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Twitter Fact Check: Joe Biden Was Never Vice President

TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades. The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.…

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Biden On Excessive Force: Cops Could Be Trained To ‘Just Kick ‘Em In The ‘Nads’

excessive force

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden made headlines this week for stating that cops need to be retrained to eliminate the use of excessive force. It’s part of his “kinder, gentler reimagining of the police.” And based on testimony from Tara Reade, Biden is an expert on excessive force. The presidential candidate said recently that cops shouldn’t shoot to kill when dealing with a criminal. He suggested police shoot a suspect in the leg instead – if they’re black. If they’re white, police are free to shoot wherever. “I don’t know…

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