Nike Updates Slogan, Tagline: Just Disrespect It

BEAVERTON – Nike, the Oregon-based athletic apparel and shoe giant, has decided to update its brand. The company just announced that social justice anthem-kneeler Colin Kaepernick will be the face of their 30th anniversary marketing campaign. The campaign centers on alienating millions of loyal customers by disrespecting the American flag, the national anthem, and police officers everywhere. Thus, the new slogan, “Just Disrespect It,” replaces the familiar “Just Do It” that’s known worldwide. In addition to the new slogan, Nike is using the following tagline to go along with it:…

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Future Baristas Walk Out on VP Pence Commencement Speech

NOTRE DAME – About 100 current and future Starbucks baristas walked out on their own graduation ceremony this weekend as Vice President Mike Pence began his commencement speech to the 2017 class. The millennial snowflakes, unable to sit through hearing from someone with a different opinion than their own, apparently plan to walk out of any situation in life that upsets them. History major Brittany Elders said she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. “I was recently stuck in this god-awful traffic jam. Probably some loser…

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