Tourist Accidentally Enters Trump Elevator, Leaves With Cabinet Position

NEW YORK CITY – Nobody was more surprised than Carl Brokovich, a welder from Hershey, Pennsylvania, when he inadvertently entered the elevator at Trump Tower, rode to the top floor, and later left the building with a position in Donald Trump’s new Cabinet. Brokovich was visiting New York City with his family and was looking for a bathroom. “Security in the lobby was so busy, and I really had to go. I heard someone say there was a bathroom a floor or two up. Next thing I knew, I was…

Read More

The Barbed Wire: Newest Member of the Mainstream Media

TEXAS – With all the recent talk of “fake news” sites out there, and social media like Twitter and Facebook vowing to crack down on them, it’s no wonder there is a lot of confusion about the subject. Here at The Barbed Wire, we’d like to help clear things up. The Barbed Wire is satire for conservatives. We make fun of progressives and their silly ideas and actions. When our stories get posted, the word “satire” is right there in the address. You have to try to miss it. We…

Read More

Trump Considering Expanding Peace Corps in Middle East for College Liberals

NEW YORK CITY – President-elect Trump is said to be considering greatly expanding the Peace Corps program, run by the US government, for college liberal crybabies so they might make themselves useful in the Middle East. “They seem to think they know better than everyone else,” Trump’s statement read, “so I think it would be a great opportunity for many of them to travel to the Middle East and tell all those people how to live their lives. I feel certain there are many people in that part of the…

Read More

Global Whining Over Trump Victory Reaching Tipping Point

GENEVA – A new survey of world leaders, American university students, Democrats, and Hollywood celebrities reveals that the crisis known as “global whining” over the recent victory by Donald Trump to become the next American president, may be close to reaching the point of no return. “There may soon be no hope for many of these people,” the survey researchers explained. “Global whining is one of the most serious threats facing the United States at this time, and we fear the butthurt by the losers who are protesting, rioting, committing…

Read More

Incident at White House Leaves Obama’s Legacy in Pieces

legacy

WASHINGTON – An explosion took place around 1:30 am this morning at the White House and, when President Obama went to investigate, he realized his legacy had been blown to pieces. The president was sleeping when a loud boom sent he and his security detail racing to the Oval Office. According to Secret Service personnel, “It was a mess. Parts of the president’s legacy were on the walls, everywhere. One of our agents threw up at the sight of it. The president is understandably in shock. I don’t think there’s…

Read More

Polls: Hillary/Trump Locked in Satirical Tie

AUSTIN – Pollsters at the University of Texas say that a compilation of polls from across the country show Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump locked in a satirical tie for the presidency. Results showed Clinton with a 45% – 43% lead, with 12% completely unaware there is even an election in less than two weeks. Margin of humor is plus/minus 3%, so the race is a satirical tie. Voters across all demographics admit that the thought of either candidate actually becoming an American president is highly ironic and twisted –…

Read More

Trump Proposing Term Limits For Members of Media

term

VIRGINIA – Donald Trump announced his top priorities for his first 100 days in office, if elected, and term limits for members of the media was high on his list. Let’s face it….the media has done such a bad job, and for so many years, that becoming a used car salesman has become a noble profession compared to journalism. Trump is proposing media regulations that would cap a news anchor’s career at 10 years. Most employees who work for any mainstream media corporation, whether it be digital, print, or TV…

Read More

Presidential Debate Postponed As Nation Mourns Beyoncé’s Bloody Ear

LAS VEGAS – The third and final presidential debate has been postponed for one week due to the tragedy that befell Michelle Obama’s daughter’s role model, Beyoncé, over the weekend. In a horrific accident the singer suffered while performing, an earring came out, causing her ear to bleed – onstage! A big supporter of Hillary Clinton, Beyoncé “powered through” the pain to complete her performance, before seeking medical attention backstage. Her fans immediately took to Twitter to post pictures of themselves bleeding from self-inflicted wounds, in support of their queen.…

Read More

Hillary/Trump Debate 3: Why Donald Better Watch His Wallet

WASHINGTON – Donald Trump, what’s in your wallet? Where is your wallet? In the latest release of documents from the FBI (Federal Bureau of Ineptitude), it was revealed that Hillary Clinton stole lamps and furniture from the State Dept. during the early months of her tenure as secretary of state, and used the furniture to decorate her swanky DC residence. Once a grifter, always a grifter. The Clinton’s also stole property from the White House when they left following Bill’s presidency. They eventually returned some of the $200K worth of…

Read More

Mainstream Media: “WikiLeaks? Never Heard of It”

ATLANTA – Members of the mainstream media (MSM) admitted yesterday they have no idea what “WikiLeaks” is. They say that unless WikiLeaks is a clearinghouse for women who claim that Donald Trump groped them 20 years ago, they’re not interested. Clinton News Network president Jeff Zucker explained it this way: “We’ve got Ken Bone to report on, the ongoing investigation into the Kim Kardashian robbery, Colin Kaepernick getting to start for San Francisco, not to mention getting Hillary into the White House by any means necessary.” David Rhodes, president of…

Read More