Elizabeth Warren Floats Reparations For Dems Traumatized By Trump

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Ancestry guru and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, publicly floated the idea for reparations for the first time yesterday. At a campaign rally here, she announced that Democrats deserved reparations for the suffering they have been forced to endure during this Trump presidency. “I know the calendar says 2019,” Warren bellowed, “But for all us Democrats, we’re stuck on November 9th, 2016. The day after the greatest injustice my people have ever had to face!” Still unable to move on, SacagaWarren made her case for reparations.…

Read More

Elizabeth Warren’s DNA Test Reveals She’s 82.6% Liar

dna

MASSACHUSETTS – Using the DNA test from genetic profiling company¬†23andMeCherokee,¬†Senator Elizabeth Warren released results that shed light on her ancestry. Warren has insisted she’s got Native American heritage in her bloodline. However, recently submitted DNA tests prove she likely has less Native American heritage than the average white woman in America today. Daniel Farraday, a geneticist with 23andMeCherokee, revealed, “The closest we could come to pinning down any real Indian connection to Mrs. Warren was that we believe her great-great-great-great grandfather may have met a Cherokee tribe member when the…

Read More

Reebok Honors Liz Warren With “Nevertheless, She Perspired” Shirt

Reebok

CANTON, MA – In case you missed it, last week on the floor of the US Senate, Mass. Senator Elizabeth Warren was chastised for rebuking fellow Senator Jeff Sessions in the lead up to his confirmation as the new Attorney General. The incident lead to local athletic manufacturer Reebok releasing a new t-shirt to show support for Warren. Her tormentor? Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. While Liz feels she was unfairly targeted, McConnell gave his explanation of what happened: “Senator Warren was droning on and on about some letter she…

Read More

Senate Shuts Up Liz Warren for Violating Free Screech Rules

WASHINGTON – Senator Elizabeth “Angry Owl” Warren was told to shut up and sit down as she continued to screech about fellow Senator Jeff Sessions on the Senate floor last night. “Angry Owl” is Warren’s given Cherokee Indian name. Warren had been trash screeching Senator Sessions because she doesn’t want to see him get approved to become our next Attorney General. She was first warned that she was crossing a decorum line in the Senate chamber, at which point she turned her head completely around and freaked out those in…

Read More

Pelosi, Schumer, Warren Sing Refugee Anthem “This Land is Their Land”

WASHINGTON – On the steps outside the Supreme Court this week, musical history was made when top Democratic leaders recorded their version of the Woody Guthrie song “This Land is Our Land.” Of course, the congressional singers had to change up the lyrics a little to match their current worldview. The recording was made during a protest over President Trump’s refugee travel ban, when the microphone quit working, and Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren and others did what any group of intelligent people would do – they broke into…

Read More