Fearing Wrath Of Trump, Hurricane Diverts From Mar-A-Lago Path

Dorian

FLORIDA – Hurricane Dorian wants no part of President Trump. The powerful storm was churning right toward south Florida, and the “Winter White House,” when its projected path suddenly veered northward, avoiding the resort that the president frequents. “I was having a good time freaking out the entire state of Florida,” Dorian said, “When all of a sudden I looked ahead and realized I was heading straight for Mar-a-Lago! I said, ‘Oh Shit!’ and immediately changed my future path. I know this abrupt change of course will likely piss off…

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Nation Sarcastically Thanks Florida For Recount: ‘Yeah, That Was Fun’

Ready to get on with their lives, American voters sarcastically thanked Florida’s election officials for dragging the country through a recount for the senate and governor races. A weary nation sarcastically acknowledged Florida’s Democratic officials for their incompetence in the midterm election. “Yeah that was fun, Florida. Thanks. Can we stop playing around and get back to reality now?” GOP voters across the nation did not appreciate the ridiculous waste of time the recount was, all in a failed attempt by election officials in a few counties to steal the…

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Election Official With Facial Tic Rigging Florida Recount

BROWARD COUNTY – With a wink and a nod, Broward County elections supervisor Brenda Snipes says the Florida recount for the DeSantis/Gillum race is under control. But is she telling the truth? A facial tic that Snipes has had for years makes it hard to tell. She explains that constant winking at Democrats and looking the other way as voter fraud is committed under her (watchful?) eye are to blame for her facial tic. “It is what it is. I can’t help it,” Snipes says, as she slips another bundle…

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Leftists Demand White Americans Get Permission Before Using Word MONKEY

FLORIDA – The word police on the American left aren’t happy with the use of the word “monkey” after Florida governor hopeful Ron DeSantis used it in a political discussion this week. Though not a monkey, his opponent is an African-American man. Progressives have deemed the word racist if it’s used by a white person and there’s a black person within 500 miles. Going forward, progressive word Nazi’s are demanding that all white people ask for, and receive, permission from them before using the word “monkey” in any setting. Leftists…

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