Bernie Sanders Considering Lawsuit Against TurboTax For Using Word ‘Free’ Without His Permission

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is not happy with TurboTax. The online tax prep company features commercials that have various characters reciting the phrase “Free. Free free free. Free free. Free!” This time of year, most Americans can’t escape the tedious ads for TurboTax. But Bernie considers himself the ‘King of Free.’ And he’s now considering a lawsuit against TurboTax for overusing his patented free message. “When people think of the word ‘free’ they think of Bernie Sanders. Nobody promises more things for free than me.” Sanders continued,…

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PETA Fail: ‘Freed’ Animal Crackers Still Captive In Boxes

VIRGINIA – At PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal Crackers) headquarters in Norfolk, jubilation over the organization’s victory to ‘free’ animals on the box of Nabisco’s Barnum’s Animal Crackers was short lived. Employees soon realized that, despite their efforts, the animals were still captive within each box of crackers. PETA fought to have the snack company remove the circus bars from the box cover, and replace it with the animals in some imagined, cookie Serengeti. This move would effectively ‘free’ the animals that have appeared captive on the…

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Proof Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Is REALLY All About Free Stuff

BRONX – In a wide-ranging Q & A session following a recent fundraiser for the Socialist Democratic Party, bartender slash economic guru Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told an audience just how much she loves free stuff. Call it her Bill Clinton “boxers vs. briefs” moment. Below are some of the questions asked by event attendees, followed by her response in commie red: What’s you favorite word? Freebie. What’s your favorite Tom Petty song? Free Fallin.’ How would you describe your supporters? Free loaders. One more on music. What’s your favorite rock anthem?…

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