Biden: Georgia Runoff Wins Would Allow Dems To Control All Space, Matter


GEORGIA – Joe Biden coughed out a statement about the upcoming Georgia senate runoff races on Monday. He reminded supporters that with wins in both races, Democrats would control everything. “Let me be clear, which is more than I can say for my throat,” Biden said through a web of phlegm in his mouth, “We can control all space and matter if we play this right, folks. If you get out there and vote and cheat like only Georgians can, we’ll control it all!” Joe hocked a loogie and continued,…

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New Rating Lets Moviegoers Know If Film Was Shot In Abortion-Friendly State

HOLLYWOOD – The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) has decided to add a new classification to their film rating system to help discerning moviegoers know which films were shot in ‘abortion friendly’ states. Due to Heartbeat Bills being passed in various states that wish to restrict abortions, many actors, studios, and Hollywood activists are refusing to work in those states. The new designation will be AF – Abortion Friendly, and it joins ratings G, PG-13, R, NC-17, etc. in letting audiences know which films are “woke” and which ones…

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Georgia Democrat Jerkoff Needs More Money to Lose Runoff in June

GEORGIA – It’s being called the “Jerkoff Runoff,” the race for Georgia’s 6th district, in which Democrats had high hopes that a fresh, young pajama boy could take over a seat recently vacated by a Republican. Hollywood poured millions in out-of-state money into the race, hoping to buy the seat for Jon Jerkoff, a 30 year-old pajama boy, who is supported by his girlfriend. But Hollywood’s millions failed to lift Jerkoff above the 50% threshold needed to avoid a runoff against a Republican woman in June. So, Jerkoff needs more…

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