Beto: Skateboards More Acceptable Weapons Than AR-15’s For Self Defense

skateboards

TEXAS – Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke, the Democrat on a losing streak, wants to be Governor of Texas. The #1 issue he’s running on is taking everybody’s AR-15’s away. That should go over really well in Texas. But he believes he has the answer. “Look at that Huber guy in Kenosha, the one who hit Kyle Rittenhouse over the head with his skateboard. That’s the way to do it. You can do serious damage, and it’s also your getaway vehicle,” he told a small campaign audience. “Unfortunately, that dude wasn’t…

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Oregon Governor Urges Citizens To Call Police If Host’s Dressing Is Too Dry

Oregon governor

SALEM – Oregon Governor Kate Brown is commanding subjects in her Kingdom of Oregon to snitch on each other this Thanksgiving. She wants all peasants to focus on the real meaning of the holiday. “Thanksgiving should be all about giving thanks that I’m your governor,” Brown said today. “For without me, you wouldn’t know how to celebrate this festive time. That’s why I’m dictating how many of you can gather in one place. However, I still want you to enjoy your holiday meal. And that’s why I’m urging all of…

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Chris Christie’s Magic Baseball Cap Sunscreen No Longer Secret

Chris Christie

JERSEY SHORE – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has had one of his beauty secrets exposed. On a 4th of July weekend, while the state’s beaches were closed to the public due to a state government slowdown, Christie was photographed on the beach, wearing a magic baseball cap that apparently deflects all harmful rays from the sun. And it works for the entire body which, in Christie’s case, is no small feat! The governor finally explained how his “sunscreen cap” works after he was caught in a lie, saying he…

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