Hillary Clinton Lauds Kamala’s Unlikeable Factor, Reminds Me Of Me

NEW YORK – Former presidential loser Hillary Clinton heaped praise on Joe Biden’s pick to be his VP. Clinton thought Biden’s pick of Kamala Harris was inspiring. “She’s every bit as unlikeable as I am,” Clinton quipped. “She reminds me of me! And there’s nothing better than that in my eyes,” Hillary continued. “She’s full of herself, over confident, aloof, condescending, and really knows how to play those victim cards that we (Democrats) use so frequently. I like to refer to her as Kamala Obama. But she’s really Hillary 2.0,”…

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Hillary: Joe Biden Could Seal Deal With Voters By Getting Thrown Into Van

NEW YORK – Two-time presidential loser Hillary Clinton has some advice for her friend Joe Biden. Get your handlers to throw you into a waiting van. She said in an interview on CNN that getting thrown into a van was the high point of her campaign in 2016. “Sympathy can do wonders,” Clinton said, “And we Clinton’s are not the most sympathetic people. So, it’s a way of manipulating the emotions of voters. I think that’s what Joe needs to seal the deal against Bernie. And, trust me Joe, Democrats…

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Warren Or Hillary? Debate Rages Within Dem Party Over Who Is More Shrill

WASHINGTON – What’s worse than one shrill woman (Hillary Clinton)? Two shrill women. Elizabeth Warren is that other woman. And as the 2020 Democratic primary season heats up, rumors are flying that the two shrillettes are talking together behind the scenes. After all, for Warren, who better to seek advice from than the previous loser? Liz may just be asking for advice on which states to skip during a campaign run. But who is more shrill? The question is causing deep division within the party itself. Tom Perez, head of…

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Dems Worry Trump Exoneration May Set Up 3-Tiered Justice System

WASHINGTON – Leading Democrats, as well as leading Democratic mouthpieces in the media, are worried that an exoneration of President Trump in the Mueller Report may set up a dreaded 3-tiered justice system in America. House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler, “Nads” for short (the guy’s only 5′ 4″), explained his Party’s worry about the president’s vindication in the Russian collusion investigation. “Right now, we have a 2-tiered justice system. We have one for Hillary Clinton and her people, and one for everybody else.” “If Robert Mueller doesn’t indict President…

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James Comey’s Ability to Lie Impresses Even Hillary Clinton

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NEW YORK – Sitting at home, watching one of the many recent television interviews of disgraced former FBI director James Comey, disgraced 2-time presidential loser Hillary Clinton admitted she was impressed by his ability to lie and make excuses. “I mean, it’s just like me,” Clinton remarked. “He’s obviously guilty of numerous felonies, but he knows just when to say ‘that’s not my recollection,’ change the meaning of words, and come up with inane excuses for his crimes. What can I say? I’m a big fan!” Hillary claims to be…

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There’s Wonder Woman – and Then There’s Stunt Woman, Hillary Clinton

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INDIA – In her mind, she’s Wonder Woman. But in real life, 2-time presidential loser Hillary Clinton seems to have embraced her new career as a stunt woman. Almost every time she takes a trip (no pun intended) she breaks something on her bitter body. Personal assistant Huma Abedin revealed the truth after Clinton’s latest fall on stairs in India, which resulted in a sprained hand for her – and a ton of laughs for the rest of us. “You wouldn’t know it by looking at her, but she’s a…

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2017: Hillary Clinton Celebrates Another Year Not Spent in Prison

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NEW YORK – “I still don’t know how I did it!” the two-time presidential loser remarked about the fact that she still isn’t in prison as 2018 arrives. “The evidence against me is overwhelming and, after Trump took office, I just knew my luck would run out this year. Thank God for Jeff Sessions, huh?!” As a new year approaches, most people look back to assess whether the closing year was a good one or a bad one for them personally. For Hillary Clinton, the determining factor every year is…

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Vanity Fair Buys Hillary Clinton Rocking Chair for Knitting, Retiring

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NEW YORK – Afraid she wouldn’t get the hint from their article begging her never to run for office again, editors at Vanity Fair¬†gave Hillary Clinton a rocking chair for Christmas, in addition to a knitting starter kit, to push her in the right direction. Snitches get stitches. But so do witches and bitches. Mrs. Clinton fits the latter. As everybody knows, the saying “snitches get stitches” refers to the treatment of gang members who, when caught telling on one of their own, are kicked out of the gang and…

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Hillary Hurt Again After Falling Down Most Powerful Women’s List

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NEW YORK – Forbes magazine has published their latest list of the world’s most powerful women, and it saw the once invincible Hillary Clinton tumble and hurt herself again. Mrs. Clinton, the most accident prone candidate in modern political history, of course, had her own version of what caused her to crash and burn. “I was skateboarding down the banister while slamming down my third frappuccino,” Clinton explained, “When one of my wheels slid off the rails and I fell a long way down. I had been near the top…

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Colin Kaepernick: The Hillary Clinton of the Football World

NEW YORK CITY – Disgruntled kneeler, Colin Kaepernick, has become the Hillary Clinton of the National Football League. The former quarterback, just like Hillary, is on the outside looking in as the world goes on spinning without a care about them. Now, Colin is filing a grievance against NFL team owners for colluding to keep him out of football. Apparently, the team owners are the Russians, working behind the scenes to keep him off the playing field. Kaepernick is definitely working right out of Hillary’s playbook. Jerry Jones, owner of…

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