Migrants Decline Free Tear Gas Gift At Border Crossing

tear gas

TIJUANA – In the spirit of Black Friday weekend, U.S. Border Patrol agents offered free tear gas canisters to members of the migrant caravan trying to illegally enter the country. There were few takers. David Sanchez of U.S. Customs and Border Protection in San Ysidro, California, said, “We saw hordes of migrants rushing toward our gates and it looked just like the crowds storming a store on Black Friday. We were running some amazing specials on tear gas canisters – practically giving them away – to any migrants that wanted…

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Planned Parenthood Seethes Over Trump Birthright EO Hurting Business

birthright

NEW YORK – At Planned Parenthood (PP) headquarters, employees are furious over President Trump’s plans to affect their future business. Trump is considering ending the birthright citizenship provision of the 14th amendment in our Constitution. The move is an attempt to stop the practice of giving babies born to non-citizens (illegals) legal citizenship, even though their parents are not Americans. The amendment was written at the time to award citizenship to slaves. “Noooooo!!!!!!!” cried baby dismemberment expert, Bianca Lennox. “I’ve been aborting babies here for years. And killing babies of…

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Democrats’ 2018 Slogan: ‘For the Sheeple,’ ‘For the Illegals’ Almost Win

slogan

WASHINGTON – “For the People” is the new campaign slogan chosen for Democrats during the 2018 midterm election season. But the slogan didn’t win by much. Several other suggestions were wanted by party higher-ups, who felt other taglines better portrayed the vibe of Democrats these days. “We really wanted either ‘For the Sheeple,’ or ‘For the Illegals,’ Party Chairman Tom Perez said. “Most of our supporters are sheeple, so that was a no-brainer. I thought that was a slam dunk. But my co-chair Keith Ellison, and leaders Schumer and Pelosi,…

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Immigration: Trump Ends Catch & Release, Enacts Tag ‘Em & Bag ‘Em Rule

WASHINGTON – President Trump signed an order this week that changes the way illegal aliens are treated if they’re caught trying to cross our southern border from Mexico. The president’s new ‘Tag ‘Em & Bag ‘Em’ program replaces immediately the ‘Catch & Release’ policy used by past administrations. Previously, Border Patrol agents were forced to release illegals they caught crossing the border, unless certain height and weight requirements of the detained were met. If the requirements were not met, or were exceeded for that day, Border Patrol personnel were forced…

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Democrats Hope ‘DACA Alpaca’ Mascot Will Solicit Sympathy for Illegals

WASHINGTON – With their Dreamers crushed after their government shutdown strategy backfired, Democrats have announced plans to attach a face to the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) movement, in hopes of pulling at heartstrings to gain sympathy for their pet cause. The new mascot is the DACA Alpaca, a group of sweater-wearing Alpacas who strayed across the border while following their mama. The alpacas entered the country illegally, having never gone through a Fish & Wildlife checkpoint or wandering into a US Customs and Immigration Office. The DACA Alpacas…

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