ACQUITTED! 7 GOP Senators Given ‘Insurrection: Traitor Edition’ Board Game Instead

insurrection

WASHINGTON – President Trump has been acquitted of inciting the Jan. 6 riots on Capitol Hill. The sham impeachment trial is over. The waste of Americans’ time is over. But some politicians won’t be going home empty-handed. Seven Republican senators voted to convict Trump, along with every Democrat. At least these ‘Sappy 7’ GOP turncoats will be taking home the ‘Trump Insurrection: Traitor Edition‘ board game as a consolation prize. Senator Chuck Schumer said after the acquittal, “We want to thank these seven senators for playing. Obviously, we’re disappointed that…

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Dems Defend Impeachment Sham Under New Banana Republic

WASHINGTON – Under their new banana republic, Democrats have thrown the Constitution in the trash. At the moment, the party is conducting a Salem Witch type of trial to punish Donald Trump. Dems claim Trump cast a spell over supporters and then directed them to storm the Capitol on Jan. 6. The accusations are a joke, and the charges being made against the former president are a bigger stretch than Nancy Pelosi’s skin. Here’s a look at some of the idiocy Democrats have put forward in this charade: Congressman Cornelius…

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VP Pence Confuses Pelosi As US House ‘Repeaches’ Trump

US House

WASHINGTON – Vice President Mike Pence threw US House Speaker Nancy Pelosi a curve ball yesterday. Nancy had requested Pence invoke the 25th Amendment to the US Constitution to have President Trump removed from office. Democrats have ginned up the idea that Trump incited violence at the Capitol last week. Instead, Pence responded in a letter which invoked the 1st, 5th, and 10th Amendments. The Speaker was confused by the VP’s response. “Mike sent back something about free speech nonsense, due process, and limiting our government’s power. None of those…

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Nancy Pelosi, House Dems Showing Classic Impeachment Withdrawal Symptoms

WASHINGTON – Democrats on Capitol Hill have been seen twitching, sweating, and acting paranoid lately, but the cause has been unclear until now. Speaker Nancy Pelosi confirmed today that she’s been suffering impeachment withdrawals since the failure of the Senate trial to impeach President Trump. “I can’t hardly sleep, I’m not eating much, I can’t sit still or concentrate on anything these last 10 days,” Pelosi admitted. “So, over the weekend, Adam Schiff, myself, Eric Swalwell, and other members of our caucus went to a clinic to find out what…

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Angry Dems Insist That “Acquittal” Means Trump Still Has To Quit

acquittal

WASHINGTON – In a last ditch effort to snatch victory from the flames of defeat, Democratic impeachment managers are insisting that President Trump would still have to leave office – even in the event of a likely acquittal in his Senate trial. Democrat House manager Adam Schiff spelled out the logic during his party’s closing arguments. “House manager Mr. Nadler and I have screwed this impeachment inquiry six ways to Sunday. We know that. In fact, I can’t imagine this hearing going more badly unless Senators Mitt Romney and Susan…

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Impeachment: Chuck Schumer To Have Cousin, Amy, Write Democrat Closing Arguments

arguments

WASHINGTON – Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer is desperate. Despite his furious spinning, he knows his party’s opening arguments bombed on the big stage. Now, he’s hoping his cousin, comic Amy Schumer, can add some life to Democrats’ closing arguments next week. “Look, I know Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler aren’t the most charismatic guys,” Schumer told reporters this weekend. “I, personally, along with the mainstream media, think they’re two of the finest orators to ever grace the Senate chamber. But it’s clear that the majority of senators are not…

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Adam Schiff’s Eyes Deemed Existential Threat To TV Viewers

ATLANTA – Researchers at the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) are warning those who attempt to watch the Senate impeachment trial. Beware, your sanity could be at risk. Scientists say Congressman Adam Schiff’s eyes are an existential threat to viewers. “We want to especially warn millennials, those susceptible to hypnosis, and other young Democrats,” Dr. Roy Stanton explained. “Mr. Schiff has already spoken for many hours in the opening days of the impeachment trial. Already, reports are coming in from across the country that liberal viewers are being…

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Dems Split On How They Should Embarrass Selves In Impeachment Trial

WASHINGTON – The impeachment trial of President Trump started today in the Senate. However, even at this late date, there is deep division within the Democratic Party over how to best embarrass themselves and the party during the course of the trial. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer explained that members had several options in their arsenal. “Well, first, I want to congratulate Speaker Pelosi for doing a masterful job of embarrassing Democrats in the House, and even making this opportunity possible. “Secondly, I hope we can make her proud here…

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Chief Justice Roberts Left Hanging After Failed High-Five Attempt

WASHINGTON – President Trump’s impeachment trial in the Senate got off to a rocky start this week. On Thursday, Chief Justice John Roberts was left hanging by Senator Chuck Grassley during a failed high-five attempt. Justice Roberts thought the gesture would lighten the mood in the Senate chamber, but the mood soon changed to horror when Senator Grassley failed to reciprocate on the high-five. “I wasn’t sure whether to go in for a bro hug or a simple handshake,” Roberts later said. “The high-five move was a last second decision.…

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Liz Warren: I Would Have Impeached Soleimani Rather Than Killing

Soleimani

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Senator Elizabeth Warren, half-Iranian herself, slammed President Trump this weekend over his drone strike that killed Iran’s terror leader Qasem Soleimani just days ago. “Personally, I would have impeached the mother****er…and then had a beer, rather than killing him.” Warren explained that being impeached is a fate worse than death, even if one hasn’t officially been impeached. “Look, I don’t know what Nancy (Pelosi) is thinking, but Democrats consider the president impeached. Our low information voters consider him impeached. That’s all that matters.” “Can you imagine the…

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