Adam Schiff Adds Skullduggery, Chicanery To List Of Trump Impeachable Offenses

Adam

WASHINGTON – On the eve of his one-man impeachment show, Democrat Adam Schiff has added several new charges to his list of what could constitute impeachable offenses committed by President Trump. In addition to collusion, extortion, conspiracy, and bribery, Schiff has added “skullduggery” and “chicanery” as behaviors that he hopes will bring down the president. Asked if he truly believed the new charges rose to the level of being impeachable, he answered, “Impeachable offenses are what I dream up and say they are.” Schiff, who prides himself on being a…

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Dems Blast Trump For Killing Rather Than Impeaching Terrorist Al-Baghdadi

WASHINGTON – Impeachment fever remains high with Democrats. Even as President Trump told the world that ISIS founder Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had his ticket to Hell punched by American forces, Democrats were unimpressed. “He didn’t need to kill the guy,” Nancy Pelosi stated. “Al-Baghdadi would have suffered a fate even worse than death if he had been impeached. You know, we could have censured him in the House or something, but killing him seems so harsh.” The Impeachment King himself, Adam Schiff, added, “Baghdadi was just trying to find his…

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Scientists Isolate Impeachment Gene In Democrats For First Time

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AUSTIN – Geneticists working at the University of Texas have finally located the impeachment gene that is carried by all Democrats. The breakthrough findings may one day help lead to a cure for what makes impeachment-obsessed Democrats so bat-shit crazy. Dr. Greg Zinter, a researcher at UT’s BioScience Dpt., explained the significance of the new discovery. “We’ve wondered what causes Democrats to throw logic, common sense, and facts out the window when they get the urge to impeach. Now, we have a better idea. It’s not that they’re necessarily brain…

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Democrats Reveal How Trump Whistleblower Complaint Originated

whistleblower

WASHINGTON – Everyone wants to know how details of a conversation between President Trump and a foreign leader were leaked through a whistleblower. The New York Times is now reporting that the information was given to Democrats through a complex chain of hearsay that went like this: The Times also said the above method mirrors the papers’ own procedure for making up stories and then citing “anonymous” sources. Democrat Nancy Pelosi would only tell reporters they were tipped off to the whistleblower complaint by a brave girl named Simone. And…

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Nancy Pelosi Offers Human Sacrifices To Appease Impeachment Gods

WASHINGTON – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said today she has been praying for President Trump. Yesterday, the president walked out of a scheduled meeting on infrastructure with Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer after Nan accused him of covering up……….something. To appear more pious than everyone else, she told reporters that she’s praying for the president’s mental well being and revealed her conversation with the deities she worships. “I prayed to Saint Bill, the patron saint of Impeachments, to help us carry out our desires to destroy Donald Trump. I even…

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Maxine Waters Impeaches Nanny, Hairstylist, Gardener All In Same Week

CALIFORNIA – Congresswoman Maxine Waters (Deranged-CA) has a one track mind that only leads to impeachment. She’s consumed by it. So much so that just in the last week, she’s impeached her own nanny, hairstylist, and gardener. The workers were caught off guard by the move. “She just walks around muttering ‘Impeach 45,’ ‘Must impeach!’ or ‘I’ll impeach all you bastards!’ whenever she’s here at the house,” the nanny said, speaking in broken English. “Last weekend, she had insomnia. I heard her counting impeachments to try to fall asleep. I…

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Stormy Daniels Vows to Dance Under Oath Before Congress

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WASHINGTON – America’s sweetheartwhore, Stormy Daniels, vowed this week to dance under oath in front of Congress, in the event that President Donald Trump is impeached. Daniels says she will “testify” in front of members of the governing body the only way she knows how. “I would be happy to use the language of the interpretative dance that some call ‘stripping’ to tell what I know about the president, if it comes to that,” Stormy said. Daniels’ former lawyer Michael Avenatti has offered to hold the pole during any performance…

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Nancy Pelosi Begins Botox Strike “Until Trump is Impeached”

WASHINGTON – Going without food for long periods of time, known as a hunger strike, is a drastic way to gain attention for your cause. But House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is adding a new wrinkle to the tactic. Pelosi, whose brain is comprised of 65% Botox, 25% water, and 10% useless information, has vowed to give up Botox treatments until President Trump is impeached. The move is a risky one since doctors have advised her that quitting the injections cold turkey could result in “huge facial fissures,” along with…

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