Biden Puts Kamala Harris In Charge Of Screwing Up Border Crisis Even More

border crisis

WASHINGTON – VP Kamala Harris has been given her first major assignment in what will be a long list of future failures. Joe Biden today tapped Harris to be in charge of further screwing up his ongoing border/immigration crisis. “If anybody can make a bigger cluster out of our current border situation, it’s Kamala,” Biden told reporters. “I’ve already laid the ground work for totally screwing the pooch on our immigration problem, and nobody knows more about things getting laid than she does. I have full confidence in her ability…

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Heads Of ERCOT Explain Their Incompetence During Texas Freeze

ERCOT

TEXAS – Two top officials with ERCOT (Electric Reliability Council of Texas) have tried to explain how they failed Texans during the recent Great Freeze. Millions were without power and/or water for days during the storm. Lives were lost due to their incompetence. Board members Beavis & Butt-Head, both of whom live outside of Texas, held a press conference to defend their actions. Mr. Anderson, a member of the ERCOT’s Executive Team, also answered for his failures. Beavis: Huh, huh, he said member. Butt-Head: Uhhhhh, mem-ber of Excuses Team…oh yeah,…

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Chicago’s Mayor LightSocket Admits 21 Shot, 6 Dead Was Slow Weekend

CHI-TOWN – It was a slightly slower than normal weekend of death and bloodshed in Chicago this weekend. Only 21 people were shot in the Democrat-led city, resulting in 6 deaths. Mayor Lori LightSocket (named so because of her hair, although her maiden name is Lightfoot) has reason for concern. “I was surprised by the numbers, frankly,” Mayor LightSocket said. “Maybe some folks were doing a little back-to-school looting over the weekend. Or maybe more people hit the lakes this weekend. For whatever reason, I think people were busy doing…

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Minneapolis Leaders Introduce ‘What Can Possibly Go Wrong?’ Bill To Eliminate Police

MINNESOTA – Calling it the ‘What Can Possibly Go Wrong?’ crime bill, Minneapolis council members have introduced a proposal that would eliminate their city’s police force. The title of the bill was chosen over ‘Throw the Baby Out With the Bathwater’ in the bill’s final draft. The city is considering various options for the replacement of a police force. Some members of the council are advocating for roaming thugs to police neighborhoods. Others are suggesting having a diverse force that would look something like the cast of characters from Police…

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Iran Accidentally Threatens Broward County Sheriff Scott Israel

TEHRAN – Hapless Florida sheriff Scott Israel, at the center of incompetence involved in failing to stop the Parkland school shooting recently, was surprised to receive a threat from Iran’s Supreme Leader on Twitter today. The Iranian government has now admitted it was a mistake. The nation’s leader, Ali Khamenei, said, “Our bad. We saw ‘Israel’ and it was force of habit. We tweeted to this Florida sheriff today, threatening him with total and utter annihilation and said we would wipe him from the face of the Earth, but we…

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