Jimmy Kimmel Graduates From Chuck Schumer School of Fake Crying

LOS ANGELES – Late night host Jimmy Kimmel has graduated from the Chuck Schumer School of Emotional Acting, Fake Crying and Blaming Trump. Kimmel completed his studies with a final exam performance on his show last night, using the Florida school shooting tragedy to promote gun control. Senator Chuck Schumer founded the school several years ago as a way to teach progressives how to use their emotions, platforms, and fame to push issues near and dear to democratic causes. Kimmel had jumped to the head of his class with several…

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Hillary Takes Lead in Presidential Feats of Strength Competition

feats of strength

HOLLYWOOD – After feats of strength, please put all the poor health rumors about Hillary Clinton to rest, once and for all. The woman opened a jar of pickles on Jimmy Kimmel’s show this week. Yes, she was sitting. But this is impressive and could only be pulled off by someone as strong as an ox. It’s common knowledge that it’s impossible for a TV crew to tap around the lid of a pickle jar, or run it under warm water to loosen the seal, to make it easier for…

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