Joe Biden Files Restraining Order Against The Kraken

Kraken

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden is getting nervous about a monster called “The Kraken.” He’s nervous that the creature may derail his attempts to get into the White House again. In fact, he’s so nervous that he’s filed a restraining order in federal court against the beast. “That lawyer, Sidney Powell, has threatened to release the Kraken on me,” Biden told reporters. “That freaks me out, man. Have you seen this thing? I watched a fascinating movie from the ’80’s the other day. Clash of the Titans, I believe it was.…

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Joe Biden Claims Voters Have Given Him An Old Man(date) For Change

old man

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden is getting a little ahead of himself these days. He hasn’t won the White House yet. However, he’s acting like he already has. Secret Service has upped security on Biden. In addition, airspace has been restricted over his basement. And now, Joe is claiming that the election proves voters have given him an old man(date) for progressive change. “I’m an old man,” Biden told reporters. “I get it. And when a president wins, they like to say they were given a mandate for change. So,…

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Joe Biden Fires Two Shotgun Blasts Into Air After Reporter Asks About Hunter

shotgun

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Democrat Joe Biden still feels the best way to scare off unwanted intruders is to fire two shotgun blasts in the air. While Biden loves the state-run media that runs cover for him, any reporter who asks about his son is seen as a threat. A reporter asked Joe about the corruption scandal regarding the Biden family. Without missing a beat, Joe shocked everyone when he pulled a shotgun from behind the podium. The former VP quickly fired two blasts into the air, even before the reporter…

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Biden Exposes Dems As Chump-A-Phobes During Small Rally

chump

PENNSYLVANIA – Presidential candidate is spilling dirty little secrets about his party at his few public appearances. This weekend, he called Trump supporters ‘chumps.’ And he’s clearly worried about them. Speaking from the Great Pumpkin Patch to a small gathering of scarecrows, he said, “What do we as Democrats do to someone who doesn’t agree with our views? That’s right. We name-call. Because that’s all we’ve got. But it’s worked well for us so far! We shame them into surrendering to our position. I love how we just add ‘phobe’…

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Twitter Fact Check: Joe Biden Was Never Vice President

TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades. The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.…

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Biden On Excessive Force: Cops Could Be Trained To ‘Just Kick ‘Em In The ‘Nads’

excessive force

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden made headlines this week for stating that cops need to be retrained to eliminate the use of excessive force. It’s part of his “kinder, gentler reimagining of the police.” And based on testimony from Tara Reade, Biden is an expert on excessive force. The presidential candidate said recently that cops shouldn’t shoot to kill when dealing with a criminal. He suggested police shoot a suspect in the leg instead – if they’re black. If they’re white, police are free to shoot wherever. “I don’t know…

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Facebook, Twitter Call A Lid On Hunter/Joe Biden ‘Smoking Gun’ Story

ONLINE – Facebook and Twitter, the social media wings of the Democrat Party, banned a story that made Joe Biden look bad. The ‘smoking gun’ article was published by the New York Post and proves corruption by Joe Biden. In light of the news, Biden called a lid on his campaign for the day. The platforms promptly followed by calling a lid on the unflattering story. “The New York Post story exposes Joe Biden for corruption involving his son Hunter and the Ukrainian company, Burisma. This could damage his 2020…

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What’s Wrong With Him? Biden Won’t Stop Calling Lids

DELAWARE – On the eve of the first 2020 presidential debate, rumors keep swirling around Joe Biden’s mental state. The main concern for many is that the Democrat nominee won’t stop calling Lids – the cap store located in many shopping malls. He’s called them almost half the days in September alone. Usually, Biden calls Lids early in the morning. Speaking to CNN’s Jake Tapper over the weekend, Dr. Jill Biden tried to downplay her husband’s behavior. “Look, Jake, Joe loves hats. Simple as that. And when he sees one…

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Biden Addresses Riots After Just Hearing About Them From CNN’s Don Lemon

riots

DELAWARE – THIS…is CNN. The network broke news to Democrats last night of the riots, looting, and violence taking place across the country. The anti-police violence in Portland, Seattle, Austin, Chicago, and other cities has been happening for three months already. Now, add Kenosha, Wisconsin. CNN’s Don Lemon broke the news to Democrat Joe Biden. “Our focus groups tell us that a majority of Americans can see with their own eyes what we choose to ignore. Apparently, nightly riots that have resulted in bloodshed, death, and the burning down of…

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Convention: Obama Tells Dems Nation Ready For First ‘Cognitively-Challenged’ President

cognitively-challenged

DELAWARE – Former President Barack Obama knows something about making history. He became the country’s first black president. He also became the country’s first president to attempt a coup of an incoming president – by using his own administration to carry it out. Tonight, Obama told Democrats in his convention speech that it’s time to make history again. “I believe America is ready to check another box in 2020. It’s time the Democratic Party take the bold step to elect the first ‘cognitively-challenged’ president in our nation’s history.” During one…

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