#MeToo? Joe Biden Admits Past As Shampoo Fragrance Secret Shopper

WASHINGTON – He’s having to come clean now that he’s about to run for president in 2020. Creepy Joe Biden has now admitted that repeated photos of him sniffing women’s hair was all just part of the job. “I was a shampoo fragrance secret shopper for several decades,” Biden admitted in a statement on Friday. “You can understand now why I was getting so close and handsy with all those women. But I couldn’t blow my cover. I’d lose the $100 gift certificate they gave me for each survey I…

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Biden Released Into Wild After Receiving Prez Medal of Freedom

WASHINGTON – Vice-President Joe Biden was released into the wilds of Loyalsock State Forest, in his beloved Pennsylvania, after being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Obama. Biden was last seen running into the forest, shouting, “Y’all ain’t never puttin’ me back in chains!” Uncle Joe has needed his freedom from Washington for many years now, and it was nice to see him so happy again. Similar to “being put out to pasture,” Joe will live off the land, terrorize hikers, and dazzle all kinds of small, woodland…

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VP Biden Comes Out With Trump High School Fantasies

WASHINGTON – Vice-President Joe Biden raised some eyebrows today when he “came out” with some homoerotic statements about Donald Trump. When asked by a reporter if he wishes he were the one debating Trump, Biden said, “No, I wish we were in high school and I could take him behind the gym. That’s what I wish.” White House insiders say Biden has been questioning his own sexuality since President Obama’s transgender bathroom agenda became the talk of the nation. “I bet Donny looked pretty sweet in those short shorts we…

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