Ghostbusters Called To CPAC To Eradicate Ghost of John McCain

NATIONAL HARBOR – At the 2019 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) yesterday, guest speaker Michelle Malkin summoned the ghost of John McCain. Malkin wanted to rid the Party of McCain’s lingering presence. Attendees also wanted no part of that specter and quickly called in the original Ghostbusters. Cause….who else ya gonna call? Peter Venkman, Winston Zeddemore, and Ray Stantz quickly showed up to deal with the situation. Ghostbuster Egon Spengler was with them in spirit. As the three discussed crossing the streams to dispose of the ghost of John McCain…

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Swamp Creatures Only Beyond Velvet Rope At McCain Memorial

WASHINGTON – Monitoring his guest list from the afterlife, Senator John McCain used bouncers and velvet rope professionals to make sure those who attended his memorial service were trusted, establishment types from the DC swamp. Specifically, McCain didn’t want Donald Trump to attend. Bouncers outside Washington National Cathedral screened attendees as they arrived, validating each person’s hatred for President Trump, before they were allowed entry to the service. Those who planned to give speeches trashing the current president on McCain’s behalf were seated in a special VIP section up front.…

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AZ Hoping McCain/Flake Senate Seats May Flip Red Next Election

ARIZONA – With Jeff Flake getting hit by the door on his way out, and John McCain battling declining health and a ‘Go to Hell, Voters!’ attitude, Arizonans are hopeful that in the near future the state’s two Senate seats may finally have a chance to flip red in coming elections. Both Flake (D-AZ) and Senator McCain (D-AZ) like to call themselves Republicans, while voting and acting like Democrats. John McCain is currently checking off his bitter bucket list, determined to piss off as many people as he can on…

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John McCain Admits He Has No Conscience

McCain

ARIZONA – Democratic senator John McCain admitted in a statement he released on Friday, regarding his latest effort to save Obamacare, that he has no conscience. McCain said, “I cannot in good conscience support the Graham-Cassidy healthcare bill…..because I don’t have one.” McCain left the Republican Party years ago when he first realized he had no conscience. “I have no idea why I make the decisions I do,” he said, “but maybe that’s what a maverick does, and maybe it’s why the media loves me so much. They don’t have…

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GOP’s McConnell, Ryan ‘Confident We Can Screw Up Tax Reform Too’

WASHINGTON – Still licking their wounds after being humiliated by Senator John McCain (D-AZ) in the latest Obamacare repeal effort, Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan said they still believe they can fail in the future too. “We still feel extremely confident that we can screw up tax reform, which is coming up next, and anything else that we attempt to tackle on behalf of the American people,” McConnell said. “We don’t know how much longer we’ll have Senator McCain around to help us screw the…

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