Kamala Harris Says Words Near Border, Vague Platitudes End Immigration Crisis

words

EL PASO – Immigration guru Kamala Harris stepped foot in the vicinity of the border here and feels her work on this issue is done now. It only took her a few hours on the ground to effectively end the current immigration nightmare. Harris delivered a series of vague platitudes, tired clichés, and untruths to reporters covering her border photo-op. “We’ve made extreme progress, extreme progress,” she told adoring reporters. “I’m here to use my words to talk about the root causes of this immigration issue. I don’t know what…

Read More

VP Harris Visits Guatemala/San Salvador Border To Quell Criticism She’s Ignoring Border Crisis

GUATEMALA – Kamala Harris is sick of peasants who say she’s been avoiding going to the border. She’s currently on a talking tour in Central America to show that she’s pretending to care about America’s border crisis. The VP was visibly pissed when NBC’s Lester Holt questioned why she hasn’t visited the border to see for herself how bad things really are there. So she decided to call Lester’s bluff. This afternoon, in a surprise move, Harris showed up at the border between Guatemala and San Salvador. “See? I’ve gone…

Read More

Biden Puts Kamala Harris In Charge Of Screwing Up Border Crisis Even More

border crisis

WASHINGTON – VP Kamala Harris has been given her first major assignment in what will be a long list of future failures. Joe Biden today tapped Harris to be in charge of further screwing up his ongoing border/immigration crisis. “If anybody can make a bigger cluster out of our current border situation, it’s Kamala,” Biden told reporters. “I’ve already laid the ground work for totally screwing the pooch on our immigration problem, and nobody knows more about things getting laid than she does. I have full confidence in her ability…

Read More

Kamala Embarrassed After Getting On Knees To Take VP Oath

WASHINGTON – Democrat Kamala Harris was sworn in today as the new Vice-President of the FSA (Fractured States of America). However, her swearing in was marred by an embarrassing moment when Harris assumed her usual position to take the VP oath. Kamala got down on her knees and raised her right hand. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor administered the oath of office. But before she began, Sotomayor whispered, “Honey, you don’t have to do that anymore. You’re practically president now.” A slightly embarrassed Harris, helped to her feet by her…

Read More

Debate: Pence Hopes Plexiglass Will Protect Him From STD From Kamala

plexiglass

SALT LAKE CITY – During last-minute preparations for the VP debate here tonight, Vice President Mike Pence had a few questions. Mostly about health and safety. Mostly about the plexiglass partition that will separate he and his opponent, Kamala Harris. “Forget Covid,” the Vice President said. “From what I’ve heard over the years, I’m more worried about catching a STD from Senator Harris. I know her a little bit, but God knows where she’s been. I could tell you some stories that even make me blush.” The VP wondered aloud…

Read More

Dems: Barrett Can Win Our Votes By Performing Just 1 Abortion During Hearings

Barrett

WASHINGTON – Forget about Amy Coney Barrett’s Catholicism. Senate Democrats have a small favor to ask before they’ll give her their blessings as the newest Supreme Court Justice. Senator Diane Feinstein (D-CA) told reporters, “After talking with my Democratic colleagues, we all feel that if Judge Barrett will simply perform one abortion, during the confirmation hearings, we could give her our support. If she did that, I think we could overlook all the dogma that guides her. We could even get past her biggest sin – being a conservative.” Senator…

Read More

Hypocrisy: Media Silent When Kamala Called Fallen Vets ‘Jive Turkeys and Suckas’

suckas

WASHINGTON – Donald Trump is being crucified in the media for a story based on anonymous sources. According to a reporter at The Atlantic, the president referred to fallen soldiers as “losers and suckers.” Supporters in his administration have come forward denying he ever said such a thing. However, the guilty narrative exposes yet another double standard from the mainstream media. They feign outrage over Trump’s supposed remarks, but said nothing when Democrat Kamala Harris “reportedly” said basically the same thing years ago. As a DA in California during the…

Read More

Kamala Harris Hosts DNC Hollywood Squares, ‘Deranged Democrat’ Edition

DELAWARE – To liven up a boring Democratic National Convention, VP-nominee Kamala Harris hosted a version of the iconic Hollywood Squares game show last night. It’s been dubbed the ‘Deranged Democrat‘ edition of the show. As host, Harris asked deranged Democrats various questions about what makes America such a terrible place. Contestants pressed a button that illuminated their square with a colored circle, the color depending on the order they buzzed in. The enthusiasm was so weak for the show that some of the contestants were duplicated to fill out…

Read More

Birther Theories Solved: CNN Confirms Kamala Harris Was Birthed

NEW YORK – The controversy over whether Kamala Harris is eligible to be Joe Biden’s running mate appears to be solved. Due to her mixed heritage, birther theories have exploded on social media. Now, CNN has weighed in on the controversy and, like Kamala, is trying to but the matter to bed. The network’s Don Lemon confirmed Friday night that the crack research team at CNN has determined that Kamala Harris was indeed birthed. “There should be no doubt now that these baseless birther theories are pure conjecture,” Lemon told…

Read More

Hillary Clinton Lauds Kamala’s Unlikeable Factor, Reminds Me Of Me

NEW YORK – Former presidential loser Hillary Clinton heaped praise on Joe Biden’s pick to be his VP. Clinton thought Biden’s pick of Kamala Harris was inspiring. “She’s every bit as unlikeable as I am,” Clinton quipped. “She reminds me of me! And there’s nothing better than that in my eyes,” Hillary continued. “She’s full of herself, over confident, aloof, condescending, and really knows how to play those victim cards that we (Democrats) use so frequently. I like to refer to her as Kamala Obama. But she’s really Hillary 2.0,”…

Read More