Making Ends: Chris Cuomo Forced To Hawk Fitness Videos In Wake Of CNN Suspension

suspension

NEW YORK – CNN has wisely suspended anchor Chris Cuomo. The network admits this is the first thing they’ve done right in decades. Cuomo was busted for trying to use media contacts to dig up dirt on his brother’s sexual assault victims. So how does a cocky bro make ends meet after being suspended? Cuomo says he will hawk many of the thousands of fitness pics and workout videos he’s made of himself over the years. “Fredo,” as he’s better known, has a few fans, but none bigger than himself.…

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CNN Says ‘Truth Distancing’ Is What Sets Them Apart In Cable News Race

truth distancing

ATLANTA – As a practice, social distancing is a new way of life for most. CNN, on the other hand, has been distancing for decades. The lowly cable news outlet admits that ‘truth distancing’ is what has differentiated them from their competition. Network anchor Chris Cuomo said, “We’ve been ‘truth distancing’ since I was a baby. CNN didn’t used to practice that, but as more cable news channels popped up, we had to do something to stand out. Distancing ourselves from the truth is what the suits came up with,…

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