President Trump Issues Travel Ban For All Flights In And Out Of CHAZ


CHAZ, UTOPIA – It’s called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone). It’s the new capital of Utopia. If you’re progressive, and you have more than one can of spray paint, it’s the new place to be. A land with no laws, no police, and no common sense. But all is not perfect behind the walls of CHAZ. The ‘Liberal Heaven’ is only six city blocks wide. To flourish, CHAZ will need tourism, trade policy, and more graffiti artists. The problem? President Trump has issued a new travel ban for all flights…

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Lysol Enlists Bill Engvall To Give Liberals Their Signs, Warn Them Not To Inject Disinfectants


ENGLAND – The maker of Lysol disinfecting products is having to remind liberals on Twitter not to take their cleaning products internally. The move came after President Trump made an off-the-cuff remark about disinfectants possibly being something that could kill the coronavirus. Conservative and independent Americans did not freak out over the president’s comments. They know better than to inject a disinfectant into their bodies. But progressives in the States are not as bright as their counterparts. They ran to social media to insist the American president was telling people…

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Nation Understands Border Issue Better After Beto Dental Cleaning


EL PASO – Robert “Beto” O’Rourke blessed the country today by having his dental hygienist explain the complex border situation during a dental appointment. He live-streamed his appointment on Instagram. Liberals were blown away by the experience. 23-year old Summer Baxter said, “I’ve heard all the oral arguments from both sides about the border security and immigration issues. Not like this, though. You know, from a dentist chair. You can bet I’m going to be finding out what my dental hygienist thinks the solution to climate change is at my…

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Liberal Women Flock to Salons Demanding ‘Disheveled’ Ford Hairstyle

WASHINGTON – Salons around the country are being flooded with appointments from liberal women who now want the disheveled, ‘in your face’ hairstyle sported by Judge Kavanaugh accuser Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. During her Senate testimony recently, Ford’s untamed hair seemed to have a mind of its own. The hairstyle craze is said to be the biggest since Jennifer Aniston’s “The Rachel” back in the 1990’s. Even effeminate, progressive males are booking appointments to get the hot look. #MeToo feminists say benefits of the new hairstyle include repelling men, appearing distressed,…

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Liberals Hyperventilating Over Paris Climate Pull Out Raising CO2 Levels!

WASHINGTON – The sky is falling! Progressive outrage, and liberals hyperventilating over President Trump’s withdrawal of the United States from the Paris Climate Accord, is causing a disturbing rise in the world’s carbon dioxide levels. Media pundits, Barack Obama, Leo DiCaprio, world leaders, Al Gore, and others overreacting to the move by Trump are having such fits that their whining and gnashing of teeth are causing CO2 levels to rise. How much, we don’t yet know. Climate scientists haven’t finished cooking the books on the numbers yet. Progressives are quoting…

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The Grumpys Awards Show Promises Lots of Trump Bashing, Some Music


HOLLYWOOD – Many of us enjoyed watching The Grammys in our younger days, when the show was about the music. Sadly, that show has been replaced with The Grumpys. The Grumpys will air tonight so that social justice warriors, some who also sing and produce music, can air their political grievances. Since the rich and famous are smarter than the rest of us, the awards show will feature numerous rants about how stupid Donald Trump and his supporters are – with a few musical performances in between. The show is…

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Constant Liberal Butthurt Has Created a Permanent Protester Class


The Church of the Perpetually Offended has spawned a new cult – the permanent, professional protester class. The cult is made up of people who have nothing better to do, especially when they aren’t getting their way on the issues of the day. Following the liberal butthurt exhibited after the November elections, and their religion of Liberalism being rejected at all levels of government, many have decided to become protesters. It looks great on a resume, doesn’t it? Bobby Watson, an on-call protester from Chicago, says he goes wherever the…

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Liberals Turn to “Alexa” For Answers on Stopping Trump Inauguration

LOS ANGELES – Snowflake college students and Hollywood elites have so far come up empty in their attempts to stop next week’s inauguration. Now, they’re turning to their last resort as a way to stop Donald Trump from ever becoming our 45th President. Recounts, Hollywood celebrity videos, threats to riot, and even Rosie O’Donnell calling for martial law to be implemented, have not worked. The responsibility now lies with the wisdom of Amazon Echo’s “Alexa” to come up with a workable plan. Students, celebrities, and Democrats across the country have…

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Christmas 2016: The Year of the Revenge Gift

NORTH POLE – Santa has reported a huge surge in “revenge” gift giving this year, as liberals continue to be incapable of controlling their anger and bitterness following the crushing defeat of their Queen Hillary. To express their hatred toward family members who had the gall to vote for Donald Trump, many are planning to spite those they reluctantly have to call “family.” Disgruntled Democrats are making donations to organizations like Planned Parenthood, The Sierra Club, the DNC, and others, in a Trump-voting family member’s name. The crybabies believe they…

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Democrats Suffering From “Trumpression” Seeking Help Nationwide

PALM SPRINGS – The recent presidential election has been so devastating to many on the American Left, that millions are now seeking mental health assistance for a condition they call “Trumpression.” Trumpression is defined as “a state of prolonged sadness or apathy resulting from the smack-down of Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election by Donald Trump.” The Precious Pansy is a mental health clinic here, a safe space in the desert, that specializes in helping celebrities and average snowflakes learn survival skills for the next 4-8 years. The clinic’s director,…

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