After Excessive ‘Circling Back,’ Jen Psaki Diagnosed With Severe Vertigo

circling back

WASHINGTON – Biden spokesperson Jen Psaki has been diagnosed with severe vertigo after ‘circling back’ too many times. The lopsided redhead has started medication to help with the condition. “Jen has ‘circled back’ so many times, it was inevitable that she would develop vertigo,” a White House doctor told reporters. “She presented saying she felt like her head was spinning. I told her she had to cut way down on ‘circling back’ or this was bound to happen.” Psaki partly blamed her unbalanced hairstyle, which causes her head to tilt…

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Dr. Christine Ford Explains Her Fear of Testiflying


WASHINGTON – Many people have a fear of flying, but Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser, suffers from a unique form of this phobia. She is cursed with the fear of “testiflying.” Dr. Ford is allegedly paralyzed with a fear of flying if it involves her traveling to testify about her past. Her lawyers have attested to her affliction. Fortunately, Ford’s fear of flying can be conquered by attaching a sunny destination with beautiful beaches to the end of a flight. “Everyone knows a plane doesn’t crash when…

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Hillary Clinton “Can’t Recall” If She’s Running for President or Not


NEW YORK – Notes from the FBI’s questioning of Hillary Clinton this summer show Mrs. Clinton couldn’t recall whether she received training for classified information, was told that her server could cause legal problems for her, or much of anything else, for that matter. When asked by an agent whether her running for president was consistent with her lack of knowledge and recall on everything, Mrs. Clinton answered, “I’M not running for president (cackling). Am I?” When the agent confirmed that she was, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well,…

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Obama to Address Nation About Lochte Incident in Rio

WASHINGTON – Recent riots in Milwaukee and unprecedented flooding in Louisiana were not enough to get President Obama off the golf course. But the threat to national security that the Ryan Lochte lying incident in Rio presents for the United States was too much for the president to ignore. Olympic officials accuse Lochte of making up the story about being robbed when, in reality, he and several other swimmers may have vandalized a gas station bathroom. Mr. Obama, who was just outed for lying to America about paying Iran $400…

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Hillary Short-Circuits, Deemed a National Fire Hazard

hillary short circuit

WASHINGTON – In a prearranged press conference today, Hillary Clinton admitted she may have “short-circuited” in her answers about her email troubles to FNC’s Chris Wallace last weekend. For that reason, she has been deemed a walking, national fire hazard. Chris Wallace said he noticed a spark shooting out of Clinton’s right nostril during one of her answers, but he thought he was just seeing things. Mrs. Clinton has shown signs of short-circuiting several times during the presidential campaign. A local fire department is always on set during her interviews,…

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