Mackenzie Bezos on Megyn Kelly’s $69 Million Score: That’s Cute

AMAZONIA – When news hit this week that NBC had settled with Megyn Kelly, and agreed to pay her $69 million to be rid of her, the dollar amount was staggering. However, not everybody was impressed. Mackenzie Bezos, the soon-to-be-ex-wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, found the news amusing. “$69 million? With an M?” Bezos asked. “That’s cute. I wish her well. I just don’t know how anybody survives on that amount, to be honest.” Mackenzie prefers to have a B with her illions. She could end up with around…

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Matt Lauer’s Desk, Trap Door Button to Rid Office of Unattractive Females

NEW YORK – When you’re God’s gift to women, you’ve got to be ready at all times. NBC’s latest sex fiend, Matt Lauer, was always ready for action. In the wake of revelations yesterday that the network’s money man has been abusing women and flying his freak flag for years, it was revealed that the star had a button behind his desk for sinister reasons. It turns out that Matt’s desk was his ‘control and command center’ for handling women in “Lauer’s lair.” If an attractive woman was summoned to…

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Mainstream Media Trying to Pick Up Pieces After Trump Thrashing

ATLANTA – In mainstream media offices across the country, numerous so-called “journalists” were dealing with the after effects of the bolt of lightning known as the Trump press conference that hit them all yesterday. Damage was widespread. At CNN: Jake Tapper, Wolf Blitzer and Don Lemon have started wearing rubber diapers because they pee themselves every time Donald Trump opens his mouth now. Reporter Jim Acosta is being evaluated for rabies after being seen foaming at the mouth following his smack down in front of the world yesterday. At MSNBC:…

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Megyn Kelly’s Ego Leaving Fox, Signs With NBC

NEW YORK CITY – Known to many fans of Fox News Channel¬†(FNC) as “MeAgain” Kelly, Megyn Kelly’s ego has worked out a deal with NBC, and will be delighting many viewers with her departure. Since MeAgain’s ego ballooned after her fight with Donald Trump a year-and-a-half ago, countless viewers have been hoping she would take her smugness elsewhere. We spoke to MeAgain’s ego, who had this to say: “I mean, just look at me. I’m hot, sexy, smart, funny, and I rock this blonde hair better than anyone. What’s not…

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