Kim Tells North Koreans Trump Stood Him Up

PINGPONG – Like a chubby kid whose prom date never showed, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un dejectedly announced to his people today that he had been stood up by the American president. President Trump said today that he’ll be a no-show at the planned get-together between the two leaders on June 12 in Singapore. “Did he get a better offer?” Kim asked, speaking through tears. A trusted general in Kim’s inner circle leaned over and said, “Maybe he’s just not that into you, Mr. Chairman…” Kim immediately had the general…

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Most Women Still Insist Size of Nuclear Button Matters

WASHINGTON – President Trump upped the ante yesterday in the escalating nuclear war of words between the United States and North Korea. After NK’s leader Kim Jong-un bragged about his nuclear button, President Trump reminded the world that his nuclear button is bigger – and works better – than Kim’s. Critics of President Trump aren’t happy with his ‘size’ statements, saying that when it comes to nuclear weapons, size doesn’t matter. That as long as you can get the job done, that’s all that matters. However, a majority of American…

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Obama’s North Korea Advice: “Just Wait for Kim to Die Someday”

SOUTH KOREA – Former president Barack Obama is still under the false assumption that anybody actually give’s a rip what he thinks about anything. But that’s never stopped him before. While meeting with South Korea’s leader last week, Obama took the opportunity to trash President Trump, apologize for America being responsible for all evil in the world, and give his advice for how to handle the current North Korean nuclear threat. “Well, if I were still in office, I wouldn’t do a thing. That was always my modus operandi, unless…

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North Korea Unveils Newest Rocket, Tests Planned

PINGPONG, N KOREA – Try as they might, North Korea hasn’t had much luck with their rocket launches lately. They’d like to impress their enemies by showing off the nation’s military might, but tests have so far been less than intimidating. The country’s leader, Kim Jong-un, is proud to now show off his newest and best rocket. Called the “Hot Rocket 1970,” the structure towers four stories high. Kim says the name comes from the fact that parts of the rocket get very hot in the sun. “Our prototype had…

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