Arrogant Prick Blasts Trump’s Virus Response For Not Being As Smooth As His Obamacare Website Debut

arrogant prick

WASHINGTON – During a virtual commencement speech to brainwashed students, an arrogant prick took veiled swipes at President Trump’s response to the coronavirus outbreak. “These folks in charge don’t know what they’re doing,” the arrogant prick told his audience. “Their response to the current pandemic has been weak, sloppy, and a model of inefficiency. Compare that to the flawless roll out of my Obamacare website during my first term. I, I, I, uh, I, I, uh, rest my case.” For those who might not remember, the Obamacare website launch was…

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Obama Unsure Whether Climate Change Models Or Coronavirus Models Are More Wrong

MARTHA’S VINEYARD – It’s Earth Day, so Barack Obama emerged just long enough to make his obligatory comments about the dangers of climate change. The former president released a statement saying climate change would be more devastating to the world than the coronavirus. Each year, Obama picks a different boogeyman to pit against the coming doom of climate change. And climate change always wins. Always. However, he wasn’t sure which models were more incorrect. Are climate change models more wrong than coronavirus models? “That’s difficult to answer. Both have been…

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Judge Kills Obamacare, Dems Given Board Game As Consolation Prize

board

TEXAS – A federal judge here essentially killed Obamacare in a ruling last week. Sure, there will be appeals for years to come. But what’s a Democrat to do in the meantime? Fortunately, the judge reminded them they will always have the Obamacare board game as a consolation prize. The judge recommended that Democratic leaders work on coming up with a plan that isn’t unconstitutional and forced down the throats of Americans. Then he thanked them for playing. The board game Democrats are left with is sure to be a…

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Chris Christie Pulls Hammy, Out Of Running For Trump Chief Of Staff

Christie

WASHINGTON – “I don’t run. If I’d known there was going to be running involved, I would’ve ended this speculation much sooner,” former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said. He was responding to news today that he was being considered for President Trump’s next Chief of Staff. Christie’s people released a statement saying he was “taking himself out of the running for the Chief of Staff position.” The disgraced governor doesn’t do anything that involves running. “I think that’s pretty apparent,” he told reporters. “I can stroll, like I did…

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Immigrant Child Cries Because Trump Can’t Make Her Country Great Again Too

US SOUTHERN BORDER – Time magazine has immortalized the image of a young immigrant child as she first learns that Donald Trump cannot be president in her home country – and can’t make her country great again too. The picture, showing the American president engaged in a conversation with a Central American toddler, captures the moment the realization hits the youngster that Trump cannot be in charge of her country as well. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but if the terrible leaders in your country would just follow my example, they could…

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Bradley Manning’s Alter-Ego to Run for US Senate in Maryland

BALTIMORE – The boy named Chelsea/Bradley Manning, who was jailed for stealing classified government documents, before being given a get-out-of-jail-free card by Barack Obama, has filed paperwork to enter and lose the race for a U.S. senate seat in Maryland. Bradley, who pretends to live as a woman, said that if he wins the senate seat in November, he may decide to become a congressman instead. “I might decide to switch.” He plans to run as a Democrat, of course. Manning believes his experience in stealing classified information will be…

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Dems Outraged Trump UN Speech Contained No Bowing, Apologies

NEW YORK – Hospitals nationwide reported a surge in hyperventilation cases being presented by progressives and democrats after President Trump referred to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un as “Rocket Man.” But they were upset by so much more. The following are some of the criticisms voiced by various pundits and Democrats immediately following the president’s address to the United Nations today: 17 year-old former White House spokesboy Josh Earnest – “The president’s speech was foolish, incoherent, and very unObama-like.” CNN contributor David Gergen – “I didn’t see a single bow…

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Obama’s North Korea Advice: “Just Wait for Kim to Die Someday”

SOUTH KOREA – Former president Barack Obama is still under the false assumption that anybody actually give’s a rip what he thinks about anything. But that’s never stopped him before. While meeting with South Korea’s leader last week, Obama took the opportunity to trash President Trump, apologize for America being responsible for all evil in the world, and give his advice for how to handle the current North Korean nuclear threat. “Well, if I were still in office, I wouldn’t do a thing. That was always my modus operandi, unless…

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Syria Strike Reminds World What a P*$$y Obama Was

syria

FREE WORLD – Opinions differ on the motivation for, and the repercussions of, President Trump’s ordered military strike on Syria this week. Many world leaders applauded his move and believe the attack sends America’s enemies a strong message. The main person who hates Trump’s show of force is Barack Obama. The world has been reminded what a p*$$y Obama was. The former president always had too much estrogen in his system to deal with the Syria problem. No one wants the Syrian situation to escalate beyond this point, but many…

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Obama Memoir To Be Titled “Wiretap Dancing Around the Issues”

memoir

WASHINGTON – In what may be the biggest book deal bust in history, former wiretapper Barack Obama landed a deal for his memoir that will pay he and wife Michelle a reported $60 million for books from the two. Now we know what the working title for Mr. Obama’s memoir will be. “I thought ‘Wiretap Dancing Around the Issues‘ was a clever play on words, don’t you think?” Obama asked. “You know, wiretapping and tap dancing around the truth were two of my favorite things to do during my time…

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