Beto: Gun Show Attendees Kindly Offered To Shove AR-15’s Up My Butt

AR-15

MERICA – 2020 lost cause Beto O’Rourke said in the latest Democratic debate that he was coming for your guns. In the 1 in 10,000,000,000 chance he were ever to become president of the United States, he would push for gun confiscation. When asked if he would institute a gun buyback program, the hapless candidate emphatically responded, “Hell yes, we’re going to take your AR-15, your AK-47.” To strengthen his position, O’Rourke said he attended a gun show recently in which people at the event told him they would gladly…

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Beto Asks Supporters To Update Their Versions Of Him To 3.0

3.0

ARKANSAS – As he made the rounds at a local gun show, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke began the third launch of himself to potential voters. He asked all of his supporters to please update their versions of him to the newest 3.0 version. “I’m hopeful that this version will be the one people want. The previous versions of me were glitchy, slow, and annoying. We’ve finished the Beto-testing on this latest version of me and I think people will find it more up to speed,” Beto explained while waving…

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Nation Understands Border Issue Better After Beto Dental Cleaning

dental

EL PASO – Robert “Beto” O’Rourke blessed the country today by having his dental hygienist explain the complex border situation during a dental appointment. He live-streamed his appointment on Instagram. Liberals were blown away by the experience. 23-year old Summer Baxter said, “I’ve heard all the oral arguments from both sides about the border security and immigration issues. Not like this, though. You know, from a dentist chair. You can bet I’m going to be finding out what my dental hygienist thinks the solution to climate change is at my…

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