Officials Announce New ‘Social Justice Distancing’ Rules For Woke Protesters

social justice distancing

SEATTLE – We’re all familiar with ‘social distancing’ guidelines. Now, there are also ‘social justice distancing’ guidelines for the woke among us. City leaders here have outlined new rules for progressive protesters and looters, to keep them safe in the Covid-19 age. According to a press release on Friday, “If you’re around people in normal situations, the 6′ distance is still optimal between you and others. However, liberal scientists have told us that tests reveal the coronavirus doesn’t spread as easily when faced with social justice. If you’re a woke…

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MLB: Baseball May Never Return If Spitting Banned Due To COVID

NEW YORK – Word on the diamond is that Major League Baseball may never return if players are banned from spitting, due to the Covid-19 pandemic. And, let’s be honest, spitting is in the top 5 of America’s favorite past times. Representatives for the MLB Player’s Union say the game will not be the same if players aren’t allowed to spit every 15 seconds, both on the field and in the dugout. The Union is at odds with team owners, many of whom don’t have spit in the game. Due…

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