Tag: Pelosi

Dems Blast Trump For Killing Rather Than Impeaching Terrorist Al-Baghdadi

E. Williams

WASHINGTON – Impeachment fever remains high with Democrats. Even as President Trump told the world that ISIS founder Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had his ticket to Hell punched by American forces, Democrats were unimpressed. “He didn’t need to kill the guy,” Nancy Pelosi stated. “Al-Baghdadi would have suffered a fate even worse than death if he had been impeached. You know, we could have censured him in the House or something, but killing him seems so harsh.” The Impeachment King himself, Adam Schiff, added, “Baghdadi was just trying to find his…

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Scientists Isolate Impeachment Gene In Democrats For First Time

E. Williams
gene

AUSTIN – Geneticists working at the University of Texas have finally located the impeachment gene that is carried by all Democrats. The breakthrough findings may one day help lead to a cure for what makes impeachment-obsessed Democrats so bat-shit crazy. Dr. Greg Zinter, a researcher at UT’s BioScience Dpt., explained the significance of the new discovery. “We’ve wondered what causes Democrats to throw logic, common sense, and facts out the window when they get the urge to impeach. Now, we have a better idea. It’s not that they’re necessarily brain…

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Ocasio-Cortez Considering Changing Last Name To Pelosi

E. Williams
name

WASHINGTON – Alexandria Pelosi? Maybe. But is this town big enough for two Pelosi’s? Incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has long cemented her spot as the biggest idiot in Congress. Now, a new challenger has appeared. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the ditzy darling of the Socialist-Democrat party, is desperately trying to out Pelosi Pelosi. “I say, like, 10 more moronic things a day than Nancy does. I’m even thinking of changing my last name to Pelosi.” “It’s kind of a way to honor her stupidity, but also a way to…

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Trump Plans to Live-Tweet During His SOTU Speech

E. Williams
tweet

WASHINGTON – Following the reading of parts of Fire and Fury by Hillary Clinton at the Grammy’s this weekend, President Trump says he will live-tweet during his State of the Union speech Tuesday night. He said he plans to read excerpts from Hillary’s What Happened excuse book as well. When he’s not gesturing with his hands during his speech, he’ll be feverishly working his thumbs behind the podium to tweet about Jay-Z, Eminem, Joy Behar, Anna Navarro and many others. “I can maintain focus on letting the country know how…

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Democrats Hope ‘DACA Alpaca’ Mascot Will Solicit Sympathy for Illegals

E. Williams

WASHINGTON – With their Dreamers crushed after their government shutdown strategy backfired, Democrats have announced plans to attach a face to the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) movement, in hopes of pulling at heartstrings to gain sympathy for their pet cause. The new mascot is the DACA Alpaca, a group of sweater-wearing Alpacas who strayed across the border while following their mama. The alpacas entered the country illegally, having never gone through a Fish & Wildlife checkpoint or wandering into a US Customs and Immigration Office. The DACA Alpacas…

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Mitch McConnell Delays Recess for Congressional Babies

E. Williams
recess

WASHINGTON – Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell broke the bad news to the children in Congress yesterday – no recess time until you buckle down and complete your work. He reminded his colleagues that recess is a privilege, not a right. “Look, I love the jungle gym as much as anybody,” a grim McConnell deadpanned, “But we need to stop playing before we work. Just because that’s how Mr. Obama did things, it doesn’t mean it’s the best way.” Playground bully, Democrat Chuckie Schumer, wasn’t pleased to hear the news.…

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Some Progressives Unaware ‘The Purge’ Was Just a Movie

E. Williams
purge

WASHINGTON – Apparently, many on the left were not aware that The Purge was just a movie, and is not a thing in real life. The shooting of a congressman, and other Republicans, by a crazy progressive, shows us that. Many in the fascist antifa movement even dress just like characters from The Purge movies. And based on their actions, they act like “purging” their enemies is an actual event. The left has tried to turn the spotlight back on the right, blaming President Trump’s rhetoric for their craziness. It just…

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World’s Top Witches Cast Spell on Trump and His Supporters

E. Williams

EASTWICK, RI – Friday night at midnight, some of the world’s leading witches gathered to cast a spell against President Donald Trump AND all of his supporters. They chanted and asked the dark forces they worship to banish Trump from office, and punish his supporters. The witches were lead by Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Ashley Judd, Gloria Steinem, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Elizabeth Warren. They asked for other witches to join them around the world in their quest to overturn the results of the last election. And to make sure…

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Pelosi, Schumer, Warren Sing Refugee Anthem “This Land is Their Land”

E. Williams

WASHINGTON – On the steps outside the Supreme Court this week, musical history was made when top Democratic leaders recorded their version of the Woody Guthrie song “This Land is Our Land.” Of course, the congressional singers had to change up the lyrics a little to match their current worldview. The recording was made during a protest over President Trump’s refugee travel ban, when the microphone quit working, and Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Elizabeth Warren and others did what any group of intelligent people would do – they broke into…

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