Roseanne Lands Role In Next Planet of the Apes Reboot

LOS ANGELES – Fired sitcom actress Roseanne Barr already has an upcoming gig. The comedian had her show on ABC cancelled after going on an Ambien-fueled Twitter rant in which she referred to Obama sidekick Valerie Jarrett as the potential offspring of a Muslim Brotherhood and Planet of the Apes coupling. However, the firing of Roseanne has freed her up to accept new roles, including a lead character in the next installment of the Planet of the Apes saga. The next film, which will start pre-production in late 2018, is…

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Planet of the Apes Files Wrongful Death Suit in Harambe Shooting

CINCINNATI (The Barbed Wire) – Lawyers representing the Planet of the Apes (POTA) filed a wrongful death lawsuit in Cincinnati this morning, charging the zoo and the parents of a boy who climbed into the gorilla exhibit with negligence and causing the unnecessary death of their friend, Harambe. Cornelius, lawyer for POTA, said, “Our brother’s death is an outrage. The entire planet is furious with the humans whose careless actions led to Harambe’s shooting death. From the video evidence we have seen so far, it appears zoo personnel were far…

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