Portland Antifa Riot After Someone Forgot To Bring The S’mores

Portland

PORTLAND – Members of the local antifa chapter raged again this weekend, but for a different reason than the previous 70 nights. One of their own forgot to bring the makings for s’mores to their overnight temper tantrum, setting off a firestorm of violence outside the city’s Police Department. “How can we keep up our energy to riot without marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers? There’s no way!” shouted a leader of the group. “We’ve got these wonderful fires going….but nothing to make s’mores with?! So we’re just standing around these…

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Democrat Jerry Nadler Explains The Myths Of The Sun, Riots

myths

WASHINGTON – Democrat Jerry Nadler made headlines this week by insisting the Portland Riots, now in their third month, are myths. As are any other riots in any other Democratic-run cities. But those aren’t the only myths Nadler claims are out there. A man told Jerry that tons of video proof exists of the violence by socialist-democrat-anarchists in Portland and other cities. “Those are myths,” Nadler shot back. “Just like the sun is a myth.” The man countered, saying, “The sun is right over that direction. You can see it…

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Portland Mommies Bring Snacks To Rioting Antifa Children

Portland

PORTLAND – Rioting ain’t easy. So dozens of moms who have children participating in the civil unrest in this city have come to the rescue. They’ve supplied their immature kids with juice boxes, pretzels, Lunchables, and popsicles as the rioting continues. “I wanted to make sure my son was happy as he helps destroy the city,” said the mother of Jacob Thompson, 24, of Eugene, Oregon. “If he doesn’t get his snacks, he’s even worse. I also wanted to let him know that I made his bed for him. He’s…

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