Bloomberg Wins Then Quits: Ignores ‘As American Samoa Goes, So Goes Rest Of America’ Tradition

American Samoa

NEW YORK – Fresh off his stunning victory in the Democratic caucus in American Samoa, Michael Bloomberg shocked supporters by dropping out of the 2020 race. In doing so, he ignored the long held election creed of ‘As American Samoa goes, so goes the rest of America.’ Cable news pundits were stunned. A. B. Stoddard, of RealClearPolitics, said, “Everyone in punditry understands that our culture and politics flows downstream from American Samoa. Bloomberg’s people had to have known that. Why he would quit after winning delegate-rich Samoa is beyond me.”…

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Joe Biden Offers Beatdown Analogies For Upcoming Primary Losses

NEW HAMPSHIRE – Democratic 2020 hopeful Joe Biden has admitted that his lackluster performance in Iowa last week was a “gut punch.” He’s already predicting New Hampshire’s primary will go for Bernie Sanders, and will be a “real kick in the teeth” to his campaign once the votes are counted. Speaking at a campaign rally before the New Hampshire primary, Biden told the crowd, “I’m not gonna lie to you. This is not where we’d hoped we’d be, and that’s why Nevada is so important. If we don’t take Nevada,…

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