Mars/M & M’s Cave To Critical Candy Theory, Sugar-Coat Changes To Characters

M&M's

VIRGINIA – Mars, Inc. has M&Mbraced wokeness. The makers of M&M’s have fallen victim to Critical Candy Theory (CCT). CCT is an activist-inspired idea that teaches candy makers to not judge an M&M by its color, but rather by the content of its fictional character. The company announced changes to some of the candy’s ‘personalities’ in a bid to appear as woke as possible. Since 1941, the M&M brand has been known by slogans such as “All the World Loves M&M’s,” “Melts In Your Mouth, Not In Your Hand,” and…

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Gun Activist David Hogg: Don’t Make Me Unleash MY Guns!

Hogg

WASHINGTON – During his speech at the “Students Are Gun Experts” (SAGE) – which also means wise, knowledgeable, or profound – rally here today, high school anti-Second Amendment activist David Hogg threatened lawmakers with his own brand of justice. “And to all those f***king politicians who would rather take blood money from the f***king NRA than protect school kids by banning all guns from everybody,” Hogg shouted, “don’t make me unleash MY f***kin’ guns! Have you seen my arms?! Trust me, that’s a fight you can’t win!!” The audience went…

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