Hollywood Relieved After Weinstein Completes Grueling One-Week Rehab

HOLLYWOOD – Actors, actresses, and former sexual assault victims of his all breathed a collective sigh of relief after hearing that disgraced movie producer and rapist Harvey Weinstein had wrapped up his sex rehab therapy in just one week. That ought to do it. Producer Jeffrey Katzenberg told Hollywood Reporter, “I’m extremely relieved that Harvey finally got the week of therapy he’s needed for so long, to teach him that women are not his playthings. Normally, his rehab program would have taken 3 months, but, you know, we edit everything…

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Michael Phelps Contemplating Rehab for Gold Addiction

RIO – American swimming champion, Michael Phelps, has had a long term addiction to gold. And now that he’s thinking about hanging up his Speedo, he’s thinking it may finally be time to address his addiction. Phelps has tried to wean himself off of gold with other medals like silver and bronze, but he relapsed each time and went back to his gold habit. After refusing to acknowledge his gold addiction in 3 separate Olympics, in 3 different parts of the world, Phelps finally appears to be ready to ask…

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