Antifa, BLM Now Offering Foes Free Escorts To Parking Lots, Hotels

Rand

WASHINGTON D.C. – Thanks to Antifa and Black Lives Matter (BLM), protesters have a horrible public image. To counter this, the groups have started offering free escorts to their political enemies when they’re out in public. The escorts will be providing members of the American right with free harassment, verbal assaults, physical intimidation, and possible bloodshed as they try to get to their cars or hotels safely. Senator Rand Paul recently tried out the service while out with his wife. “I had no idea they were offering this level of…

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Portland Mommies Bring Snacks To Rioting Antifa Children

Portland

PORTLAND – Rioting ain’t easy. So dozens of moms who have children participating in the civil unrest in this city have come to the rescue. They’ve supplied their immature kids with juice boxes, pretzels, Lunchables, and popsicles as the rioting continues. “I wanted to make sure my son was happy as he helps destroy the city,” said the mother of Jacob Thompson, 24, of Eugene, Oregon. “If he doesn’t get his snacks, he’s even worse. I also wanted to let him know that I made his bed for him. He’s…

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Minneapolis Rioters: We’re Just Picking Up Our Looter Layaway Merchandise

looter layaway

MINNESOTA – They pillage and blunder when they get mad, but rioters in Minneapolis this week totally destroyed a Target Dept. store. The reason? They say they were picking up merchandise they had been keeping in the store’s “looter layaway” program. LaTonda Allen, a first-time looter from the area, said, “I’ve had my eye on this big ass TV for a long, long time now. But Target’s looter layaway policy states that merchandise can only be picked up after there’s been a crisis that can be exploited. We got that…

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