Beto Asks Supporters To Update Their Versions Of Him To 3.0

3.0

ARKANSAS – As he made the rounds at a local gun show, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke began the third launch of himself to potential voters. He asked all of his supporters to please update their versions of him to the newest 3.0 version. “I’m hopeful that this version will be the one people want. The previous versions of me were glitchy, slow, and annoying. We’ve finished the Beto-testing on this latest version of me and I think people will find it more up to speed,” Beto explained while waving…

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Beto O’Rourke Blames Hispanic Privilege For 2020 Campaign Missteps

privilege

NEW YORK – 2020 presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke blamed his rich Mexican heritage and “Hispanic privilege” for his lackluster showing in the campaign so far. He acknowledged that flaunting his ethnicity was a mistake, and it made him appear to be elitist. “The photo of me looking like a white guy, but munching on a chimichanga while riding a donkey into a campaign event was not a good look for me. I think my Hispanic privilege is why I’m getting beat like a piñata in the polls.” O’Rourke is readying…

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