Felicity Huffman Begins Grueling Sentence At Federal Correctional Day Spa

Felicity

SAN FRANCISCO – Few hardened criminals come out the other side of a 14-day prison sentence without massive mental and emotional scars. Sometimes, the harm done is irreparable. So is the fear many have for actress Felicity Huffman as she disappeared behind the ivy covered walls of a super-min security day spa in Dublin, California this week. Starting with a strip search to make sure the actress isn’t smuggling Scantron bubble sheets into the prison, Felicity will feel uncomfortable. And there are a number of things to watch for when…

Read More

Biden Threatens To Have Reporter Fired Within Six Hours For Ukraine Question

LOS ANGELES – While answering questions from reporters this weekend, 2020 Democratic candidate Joe Biden became irate when a question was asked about his Ukraine/Hunter Biden scandal. He immediately threatened the offending reporter with causing his employment termination within six hours if the reporter didn’t withdraw his question. A visibly pissed Biden reacted to the Ukraine question, saying, “Kiddo, I’m not gonna respond to that. Look, I make one phone call and I’ll have you fired within six hours. How dare you question my nepotism skills! You wanna walk back…

Read More

Perv Al Franken: The Video Was Funnier, Shows Me Saying Honk, Honk

MINNESOTA – Senator Al Franken, busted today for a photo showing him groping Leeann Tweeden in 2006 while she was sleeping on a flight back from the Middle East, says the public would get the joke if they could just see the video of the incident. “The photo alone makes me look really creepy and perverted,” Franken admitted, “But the video is what everybody needs to see. It’s much funnier. Right after the shot in the photo was taken, I said ‘honk, honk!’ as I squeezed my hands over her…

Read More

Dems Offer Reward For Anyone Finding Their Moral Authority

WASHINGTON – Democratic Party chair Tom Perez has posted an ad in the DC classifieds offering a reward to anyone who knows the whereabouts of the party’s moral authority. Unaware that Democrats lost their moral authority during the Clinton-Lewinsky years of the 1990’s, Perez is hoping someone out there can shed light on its current location. “I’m actually a little embarrassed,” Perez admitted. “We’ve been acting holier than thou when we slam Republicans about their alleged scandals, while looking the other way at misdeeds committed by our own, but I…

Read More