Adam Schiff’s Eyes Deemed Existential Threat To TV Viewers

ATLANTA – Researchers at the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) are warning those who attempt to watch the Senate impeachment trial. Beware, your sanity could be at risk. Scientists say Congressman Adam Schiff’s eyes are an existential threat to viewers. “We want to especially warn millennials, those susceptible to hypnosis, and other young Democrats,” Dr. Roy Stanton explained. “Mr. Schiff has already spoken for many hours in the opening days of the impeachment trial. Already, reports are coming in from across the country that liberal viewers are being…

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