Black Dresses Newest Defense Weapon Against Sexual Assault


LOS ANGELES – Following the success of Hollywood actresses at the Golden Globes Awards show last weekend putting an end to sexual harassment, self-defense experts are urging all women to wear black dresses whenever they leave the house as the latest way to ward off potential assaults. “If you’ll notice,” Consuela Jackson of Beverly Hills Jiu-Jitsu Club remarked, “There was not one single rape or sexual assault of any of the actresses who wore black dresses to The Globes the other night. I think that speaks volumes.” Most experts are…

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Satan Claims Sexually Assaulted By Charles Manson First Day in Hell

HELL – Recently dead cult leader Charles Manson is making himself right at home in Hell. When he walked through the burning entrance yesterday, he told the demons at the gate that he got there as fast as he could. “Got held up about 50 years in prison,” he said. Still, he’s off to a rocky start with his boss. Apparently, Charles walked in like he owned the place. Satan claims that Manson sexually assaulted him as the two were posing for a selfie soon after Manson’s arrival. “That’s pretty…

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