Matt Lauer’s Desk, Trap Door Button to Rid Office of Unattractive Females

NEW YORK – When you’re God’s gift to women, you’ve got to be ready at all times. NBC’s latest sex fiend, Matt Lauer, was always ready for action. In the wake of revelations yesterday that the network’s money man has been abusing women and flying his freak flag for years, it was revealed that the star had a button behind his desk for sinister reasons. It turns out that Matt’s desk was his ‘control and command center’ for handling women in “Lauer’s lair.” If an attractive woman was summoned to…

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Conyers, Franken to Lead Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians

Conyers

WASHINGTON – Self-anointed ladies men, Michigan congressman John Conyers and Minnesota senator Al Franken, have been picked to head the newly created (but much needed) Congressional Committees of Perverse Politicians (CCPP). Conyers will serve as the top Democrat on the House side, while Franken will preside over gropers in the Senate. Conyers, known for taking meetings with staffers in his underwear, says the committees will focus on teaching members of both parties how to spin accusations, smear accusers, and write pretend apologies so they can weather bad press but keep…

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Chelsea Clinton’s New Children’s Book: “Heather Has Two Harvey’s”

book

NEW YORK – Chelsea Clinton has been working feverishly to finish her latest children’s book, and her mother, Hillary, has already written the foreward. The book will be published by Weinstein Books, Inc. and is titled “Heather Has Two Harvey’s.” Chelsea said the book was a labor of love. “Being a Clinton and a Democrat, I place no limits on what can make up a family. So I wanted to teach young children that even if you have two sexual predators for parents, that’s OK. Unfortunately, I only had one…

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